I rotted away on my com for e whole day.


Man I need a life beyond work and computer.

So I'm thinking of taking up origami. Cos I remember the times I folded insane stuff. Like Mini cranes.


Those two are on a wallet, kinda hard to get a sense of proportion, but hey, it's one of my greatest works. Den again, I was in JC thus insane from all the studying. So it's forgivable.

---------------------------
From Azhar:

6 Weird Things About Me
Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.(the moment i read this, i knew tt bugger would put my name down...)
this is going to be hard..

1. I think I'm schizo. Sometimes I think I'm like a young kid, but other time I think I'm damn old.

2. I'm spent alot of time on my blog, but nothing new ever comes out of it.

3. I sleep with my bolster as my pillow, and my pillow as my bolster.

4. I've an obsession with rings. I love them, but I don't seem to buy them.

5. I still visit the toy section when at departmental stalls.

6. Oh, I'm jinxed. Whatever I set my heart on buying, that item will be either
a)out of stock,
b) out of production or,
c) impossible to be bought somehow.

Bloody hell. I don't think I'm that weird la. Quirky yes, weird? You do this and tell me I'm weird.

And no I'm won't be tagging 6 others. For one, I don't know who read my blogs constantly enough to notice this, and two, I don't know enough people who actually update their blogs to do this.


-------------------------------

Till again.

Epiphany

e·piph·a·ny Pronunciation[i-pif-uh-nee]

–noun, plural -nies.


1. (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
4. a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.



I think we all need one, and I need mine soon.

There's always today, or tomorrow. Cos it's only a day away.


Till again.

Long post. Recap.

Finally, I watched Heroes till episode 18, and now I'm waiting for episode 19. I hate cliffhangers.


I stand by my stand(?) that couples nearly always break up during service. Like, Just this week I found out about 3. And that makes the grand total of 8 that I know of, including myself within my service period that couples have broken up. Not that the reasons may be the same, but it's just ain't that easy. Like the post long ago.. let me dig it up:

Anyway, found this online. Interesting..in a way.
(decided to copy and paste from the site directly, in case they close it down or smthg..)

--------------------------------------
Would you Dump an NS boy for a Uni Man?

Of course!

Oh, sheathe those claws, boys. Don't be rude. You would do so if you were in the same position.
Think about it: New environment and you're all alone; you don't recognise a single face and you're worrying how and where to start; your partner can't understand what you're facing and it's hard to explain; and then, you make a new bunch of proximity friends, and it's so much easier to hang out with them.

Hmmm? That's not university? That's national service? Well, well, well, how alarmingly bright you are. And here I was, worrying myself to wrinkles that I might die in the couple of decades you'd take to get it.

So you see, right? Beginning University and starting National Service is almost the same experience. I say "almost" because I know that if I said "the same", all the NS recruits in the country would be swarming over me like a pack of hounds before the night is out. They'd bay for my blood, because I had dared equate the tortures of 24-klik marches under the blazing sun and grimy sweaty trench-digging with "going to school".

"Going to school"? Ha! Now it's the university students turn to snort. University's a far cry from primary school where wide-eyed kiddies sweetly share their last piece of keropok with you. Anything precious here is more likely to be tightly wedged between a butt and a chair than shared. It is here you feel the need to find friends fast more than ever. It's the pack instinct: safety in numbers; comfort and acceptance too.

So, when you're feeling more than a little vulnerable, you crave comfort, as girls do when they play Moses and bravely face the Red Sea. And we all know that Comfort's schizo, right, girls?
Sometimes she's Ben & Jerry's (gender-crisis), sometimes she's Cadbury & Hersheys, while other times she's Paul & Frank. That is, Paul, your 3-year NS boyfriend; and Frank, that guy from your university orientation group.

It's not that you don't love Paul. After all, he was the one gave you your first kiss; he was the one sitting next to you, picking at the miniscule plate of Prom Night food you each paid a bomb of $90 for; he was the fool that queued an hour at MacDonald's to buy that Hello Kitty toy you wanted, throwing away the McMeal. (SIN! Mistreatment of food! WASTREL!)

But things have changed. It's not the same anymore, you sniffle delicately. He's changed. All he wants to do is talk about his water-parades, complain about his officer-in-charge, that time he scrubbed the loo with his platoon, and his buddy (now that really perturbs you).

Frank, on the other hand (literally), is ever so attentive, always there for you, and oh, oh, so understanding…..

Smell the coffee, girl! OF COURSE, he's understanding! That guy's in the same university as you! He breathes the same lecture hall air as you, eats the same canteen food as you, sleeps in the library and drools over the same course books as you! It isn't hard to be understanding when you're doing all the same things!

No, shut up Frank , I'm not blaming you. I just want Pollyanna here to see how obvious it is that you have the Unfair Advantage in this case. Yes, the UA.

The UA presents itself in every single situation that occurs. Born of the Unfair World, the UA clings on to one party that catches its fancy and allocates them that tad bit more weight to tip the scales in their favour. Intrinsically irrational, UAs choose not by logic, but by pure whim and coincidence.

Coincidence, that he's at the same stage of life with you, enabling him to be there physically when you need him, to be in the experience with you. If it was based on that alone, Paul would never have had a chance. Why would you choose a partner who can never be there over a partner who always is?

Because you know it's not Paul's fault. He didn't choose not be there. He didn't choose to be away in Brunei killing chickens and wearing 5 day old underwear when you wanted to talk to someone about your voodoo plans for your slacker project mate.

But you've reached a point when you don't particularly care, you just want someone to be there for you. You know you'll hurt Paul's feelings and that bites, but you can't help being selfish. You want to be selfish. You want what feels best for you.

Now we're left feeling awfully sorry for Poor Paul and snarling at Frank the Filch. However, if recall what I said earlier, the situation of entering NS and beginning University life being almost the same, what do you think would have happened if Paul started NS with a co-ed company and Pollyanna entered an all-girls University?

Sounds far-fetched? Well, just indulge me and stretch your imaginations thinner. Paul, is now the one with opportunities galore, and Pollyanna? Pollyanna's the nun.

So, tell me, who is more likely to break up with who?

In a Chanel lipstick case (because a nutshell is so passé), we are all Fortune's fools. She plays us in situations we have little control over. Live with it.

And all the Pauls out there? Life's not over. In 2 years time, you'll be at university, and then, during the orientation camp, you finally get the chance to introduce yourself as " Frank, the name's Frank."
-----------------------------


Yeah, this is old, but I just find it so so true. We guys lose out in so many ways than one. Not that we're always right, but then again, even when we are, it's just taken as ego, and it's only gentlemanly to let the girls win. Yeah, WTH.

But, that what we do when we love isn't it?

~Love~
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it.


Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall.You just fall. You cannot finish a book without losing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.


Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.


How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love.


There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do, we get hurt, then i figured that's why it's called falling in love.



Long weekend ahead, clearing off on Monday. July can't come soon enough. It's like torture enough anticipating tha pain, yet itself is torturous enough dread. It's that ironic.


Things will get better. After all, it did last time.


Till again.

For a camera that has only 2.1 megapixel, I think that my fujifilm FinePix F401 is still very trusty. though rusty.

Just take a look at the photos.

Quite good ma, just that it ain't sharp for those without flash. Like, this is ancient technology. Any technology that's been around more than 5 years is ancient.

So, all I need is just to pray that my memory card don't fail me. And all'll be good.


Ok, bedtime.


Till again.

So like, one year ago, I went into service. Like how women go into labour, but less painful cos it's stretched over two years.


My lard. It's been a year since I've enlisted, and one more year to go to that day I regain my civillian status.

Ok ok, this whole service thing is quite overrated. Time actually flies when you're in it, actually time flies when you're anywhere.

I am enjoying myself for the past year in service so far, but that's just cos I'm where I want to be. For now. I can't speak for alot of people la, who do mindless nonsense that serve as much purpose as your appendix.

Anyway. A few more thanks to Huiqing, Andi, Guangrong, Hidayah, Ameera, Sihui, Peiling, Juling, Malorie, and Min for all the birthday greetings that I didn't get to write in the previous post. Still very touched. I'm so going to frame up those pictures la. Must get it done.


Being twenty has already begun to take it's toll. It's scary.


Till again.

Haha.


Anyway, all I really wanna say is a BIGGEST thanks to all who wished me happy birthday in all forms and methods, and especially to Azhar, Christine, Gwen and Justin, for the cookies from Azhar, which tastes surprising nice(comapred to the cake,) and Gwen for the brownies. Like, the effort you all made, man, enough to move me to tears la. Very very touched. Sorry if I didn't say too much, cos I was like moved beyond words.


And yes, to the SAF bands people for the beautiful photo montage thingy, and the card with all the messages. And the dinner at Villa'ge. Another so touched moments. Even with the rain and all.


So, biggest biggest thanks to Zat, Meiting, Derrick, Joan, Chong Hu, Michelle, Xiaojun, Shawn, Joel, Zhen Hua, Dawn, Donovan, Fors(Mary-Anne), Siok Wei, Benny, Weijian, Baolun, Justin(mj), Mei Yin, Zhong Wei, Juling, Cheryl, Azhar, Christine, Gwen and Justin(gwen, ha.) for all the wonderful wishes.

Definitely the best birthday I had in years. Only brownies, cookies, card, and montage, but enough to make me touched beyond words. Thanks all again.


And to Mom, Dad, and Sis. The daily stuff you all do is enough.


I love you guys. Life's never been the same since I met every single one of you.


Just for one day, everything seems right. (minus the cancelled driving lesson.)


Till again.

M[3]n[9]^y[@]n[9] says:
you'll be one person's life long friend because you have yet know everything about tt person
M[3]n[9]^y[@]n[9] says:
that's why u need a life time to be their friend

Don't mind how it's phrased, but what it means is what matters, and it makes a helluva sense.


Was looking back at photos again, and there's that tinge of sadness mixed with mirth. Like all the silly things we've done, I wonder what the hell were we thinking then. Then came the, goodness, we'll never do those things again.

It's not like any of us are dead or anything. But times just goes on and on, it doesn't stop for any of us, and especially when we don't bother to keep in contact with each other, the sadness overwhelms.

I think we all are insecure, and always trying to someone better. Really. That's why we talk loudly, laugh loudly, ask repeatedly, exaggerate, or anything to attract a lil bit of attention so that we know that we're still important and people still think we're part of them. It's normal to feel alone at times, cos I did too. I thought that they didn't like me, nor did they think that I'm part of them. But I think we've gotta trust ourselves enough that what we are now is good enough for those around us, and especially to those friends that we have already. Changing for the better is always good, of course.


I think it's the late night.

Till again.

Yes, so many wants, so little can gets.


I WANT:
-a new fragrance.
-some Phillips or that thingy I saw at Courts that doubles as an Ipod dock/speakers and radio and CD player.
-Emi Fujita CDs.
-new digicam. the old and trusty's becoming mold and rusty.
-new dark green T-shirts. Like the colour somehow.
-new belt, with nice nice silver front.


Basically, that's it all. But I suppose if I really really plan very well, I can get all of them by this year, somehow. Like, I'd buy a tee every month, so that I'll have more shirts to wear, an idea taken from the camp mates. The digicam idea, I seriously need to change mine, cos no.1, the memory card is like out of production, so if it spoils, I'm doomed. And it cannot satisfy my point and shoot theories and ideas, cos the LCD's quite small. The batteries' screwed too. If I just leave it unused for a few days, the batteries die out by itself. Freaky. But disastrous especially if I urgently need it. Blah.


Till again.

Yeah so last night I went to catch the Phantom of The Opera at the Esplanade.


And freaking hell, it was like spectacular!

The sets, the stage band, the actors and the ambiance, my lard! It's was fantabulous. Really, half the time, I actually thought that the sets were moving, prob cos of the lighting effects. Speaking of effects, I loved the pyrotechnics and the moving chandeliers. Very very exciting.

I mean, it better be, I spent over a hundred bucks man. Heh.


I'd show some photos but photograpy wasn't allow in the esplanade, so no photos except the random ones I took of around the places I went.

-------------------------
Thursday, July 24, 2003

sore throats..

from all the screaming we did, it'll be amzing if we didn't. it took us a long time to do it, but we prevailed. we did it, we achieved our distinction we hungered for. nope i'm not going to praise is abt the times we practiced very hard, the times we endured chagrin from everyone else, the times where things didn't seem to work out. but, i'm going to thank the people who made this happen. Temasek Wind Ensemble. amazing isn't it not? the surge of glory, joy and pride of getting this medal. but my thanks today, are directed to the closer people to me from the band.

to my best junior cheryl, who braved a horrible sore throat and aching neck to perform her part of music.
to my greatest senior liza(lisa), who was and still is our guiding light.
to my junior who made me very proud, suan sen, who taught me more than i taught him and improved our cornet section.
cornets, we did it.

weijian, remember the time we threw coins into the fountain and wishing? our wish came true. you did it. under your guidance, the band succeeded. i know ive been repeating this alot, but i guess, with our different paths, we achieved more?
not forgetting zat, who really pulled the band together, with his rah-rah ness? nuff said.


That was like 4years ago. That was our SYF. That was ancient history. I hope that the musicians this year can do themselves proud with whatever results they'll be getting. I'm supporting them 100% all the way. Think I'll buy some sweets and stuff.
I don't know how that'll help, but it sure did when my seniors did that for me.

All's well end's well.

So obviously things weren't well for me at alot of times. Damn.


Till again.

One more time.


Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
An Omen to Ruin- Joe Hisaishi
That's not funny.

Will I have a happy life?
Measure of a Man- Clay Aiken
I can't decipher this.

What do my friends really think of me?
Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way- The Calling
That I'm not what I always turn out to be? I'm not surprised.

Do people secretly lust after me?
The Legend Of Ashitaka- Joe Hisaishi
So what, I'm a legend?

How can I make myself happy?
Perfect Moment- Martine McCutcheon
Yeah, find someone to have a perfect moment. Duh.

What should I do with my life?
The Courageous Cavalry- Joe Hisaishi
Join the cavalry? Sign on? Siao ah.

Will I ever have children?
Sorry- Madonna
SORRY?!?!? What Sorry!!!!

What is some good advice for me?
同類- Stephanie Sun
I don't even want to actually decipher this one.

What is my signature dancing song?
Two Worlds- Phil Colins
So, tribal ah.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Yeah, amazing how alot people should just shut up.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You- Emiliana Torrini
Haha, fine.

What song will play at my funeral?
Sway - Michael Bublé
Nice. I like.

What type of men/women do I like?
Make Me Pure- Robbie Williams
Yeah, I need someone to cleanse me.

What is my day going to be like?
Happy Someday- Plain White T's
Fine, happy, but not today.

----------------------

Yeah I'm bored.

Was watching a Cinderella story, the one with Hilary Duff.

And yeah, like all teen shows made with those teen idols about teen life, cos it's all about being yourself.

But of course, who else to be, but yourself?

Especially when you look great, like handsome, pretty, athletic, popular, rich, and all those? Who wouldn't want to be themselves seriously? Like, yeah it's right, don't care about what people think about you, and be true to yourself.

Uhuh. Not when you're a skinny scrawny nobody. Come on, if they were going to make this a feel good movie of some sort, at least find someone more credible looking.


On to MSN messaging chats, I think there's some general things that people should know.

Like for example, "ha" is not a good idea to keep conversation going on. Cos that signifies "I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say 'ha' to make it like I like what you're saying cos 'ha' sounds like I'm happy".
Seriously, how can "ha" lengthen a conversation? Frankly, it's more annoying than patronising.

Then, there's the overshare. Unless you're best buds, never overshare. Even best buds don't overshare on MSN.. At least mine don't.


Oh well. Tomorrow's another day. Phantom of the Opera! Woo.


Till again.

People who are in love should love fully.

Lest they know the feeling of a heartbreak, they may never want to be in love again.


Till again.

I miss having constant company to watch movies with.

Well, maybe that's a part of being attached, you'd never miss any movies you want to watch. Yeah, it's the company too. But that's then.


OH yes.We went to Wild Wild Wet with the Band. Fun as it is, I'm never going back there again. The small heart of mine cannot, I repeat, CANNOT tahan that U-shaped ride thingy. Ask Zhenhua, and he'll glady tell the whole world how I screamed. Yalar, I just don't like the feeling of freefall. I still feel giddy when I think about it. I'd prefer my feet safely, firmly on the ground.


But yep, we rounded up the day with Sakura, and Unagi's great. Dropped by MJ after that on route to Joel's place, and met a couple of teachers, i.e. Mr Nathan, Ms Ee, and Mrs Chua. I'm very very surprised that Ms Ee remembered my name, especially she only taught me like for a few months(weeks?). Touched la. Heh.


So I'll be having that monthly Change of Guards parade later. Not very looking forward to it for the first time in my life. But since it's the last one with our beloved Encik Goh, like we'll totally miss him.


Life'll never be the same.

I miss all those things I left behind.


Till again.