Between the lines of fear and blame,
you begin to wonder why you came.




Till again.

It's 11.50pm, and I've started blogging, when I could have done that like at least 4 hours ago.


Like, this really doesn't matter cos no one really calls or message important stuff anymore, I currently do not have my phone with me, cos I've stupidly left it on Benny's dad's van. And since I was too retarded to go down to his place to get it, don't bother trying to call me, if there's anyone considering to do that.


This week's been like another waste of time. Since I'm so not involved in any major planning or involvement of any sort in the upcoming anniversary dinner, I usually spend my days rotting away, unless there's full band, or someone to play etudes with me or something like that. Sad life I'm having, but hey, I shoudln't be complaining, especially when there's people out having ponteh rice when I'm sitting in some air-con room playing sudoku.

I really miss schooling days I tell you. At least in those days, I would constantly have friends around me to talk and trash about. These days, I'm not even sure who I am, what more who's really a good friend to stick to. Blegh.


I miss the front doors and back doors of the classrooms, the table and the racks for us to put our books in, but I'll just squeeze my bag in anyway. I miss canteen food though I complained about it constantly. I miss sitting down and writing things. I miss lunch with a constant group of friends that don't forget me.


I think I don't miss school. I miss the people.


It's weird. I've so many people around me daily, yet I still feel lonely, and out of place.

I'm entitled to be emo at times too k.




Till again.

At post 433, I wonder how many more posts this blog'll still go on.


I've seen blogs go up and down, changed from here to somewhere else, or simply degenerate to a stagnant nothing, wasting webspace. As if there's a shortage of that around.


Yeah I'm home on a week day, loads and loads of thanks to Benny who has like gotten his license and has always so graciously offered me rides to and fro from camp to home. Isn't that like fantastic of him? Now I really should get mine and return the favour to all those who give me rides.


I don't know if I've said this before, but I usually believe that all that's bad that's happening to me, there's always something good. But these days, I'm finding it hard to balance the bad things with the good.

Ungrateful? Maybe.


I'm seriously not surprised if I die young. Like, there's so much screwiness going on in and about me, it's almost a sign. Plus the deja vus I have is so scary, that maybe it's like suppose to let me plan for my future. Especially since I think about a future that I don't even have yet so much, it's like telling me that I can only picture the future. Morbid huh.


I think things are so much better when you're happily in love, or just content with life.


Till again.

Another weekend. Another near to the beginning to a new week. Blast.


Anyway.


This week's been absolutely meaningless. Really, I mean if this week didn't exist in my life, nothing would have been different.Prob except for 16/1 at 0035, of which Juling sent a message that really made the flu/bad cold so much better.


Oh yes. I had a bad bad cold, the kind that makes me sneeze a few times in a row, loudly, snotty, and really annoyingly.

And it does not help, that in camp, there's only cold water, which gets colder when the weather decides to pour buckets of rain that further freezes the already sub-zero water in the bath.

So the result's some naked guys shivering their guts out while in the bath. Very very disturbing.

That's really one of the reasons that I caught the flu/bad cold I guess.


There's ad contest going on now, and the Creative Zen's one going on now. The one with the panda. OMG. I thought retarded was too mild a word that.

Oh, and apparently, and I'm quite insulted( haha. Like I'm good looking at all.) that some of my relatives have said that I look somewhat like one of the Superstar candidates. Apparently, it's Nat, or something like that. That's one more person/character I look like.

I wonder if that's a good thing at all.


Well. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme at times.




Fors, this is for you.

CHANGING OF GUARDS CEREMONY
Date: 4th Feb 2007, Sunday
Time: 5:45 PM
Location: Next to hello!@ Orchard to Istana main gates

Yep. Anyway, it's a monthly thing, but it's not always the band that I'm in gets to be the main band who marches down Orchard Road. This month's the CNY one. So some CNY songs'll be performed. I think it's entertaining to watch. Text me, or drop a comment/tag if u need more info. Everyone's invited btw.




Till again.

So Yay. I'm finally back online.

Freak, I'm so addicted to the net, I feel out of touch with the world just because I didn't go online for a week or so.


Anyway, with the extreme rainy weather, Chan5's not doing anyone a favour by showing "The Day After Tomorrow" on tv last night.


I mean, there's gonna be loads of paranoid people who take things too literal and they're prob thinking we're all going to an ice age in like a few years time, and it'll snow in Orchard Road.

I don't think Orchard Road'll snow, not before the GST stops increasing, or when they increase my pay by a hundred bucks.


Speaking of pay, the bloody new recruits get a hundred bucks more than I do, thanks to a Unfairingly UNFAIR scheme thingy, that places us under a old scheme with the old lousy pay.

FREAK.


To hell with all those who made these policies. They should just burn thw houses with their money or poke thier own eyes out with their stupid pens that they sign to approve them.


Blagh.


Anyway. Feb's Change Of Guards on the 4th of Feb. Do come to watch. And there's NTU concert too this sat.


Soothe. Soothe myself.


Till again.

Of Bus Rides (when you do get seats)


My friend was saying how relaxed he felt when on the bus. I guess that's something about bus rides.


I mean, that's practically the only time when you actually seat down, and watch the world go on and go by. Like, usually everyone's quiet in their own seats, all staring blankly out the window. You can't help but wonder, what's on their minds?

It's like how the world rumbles on, and you look at all the people walking outside, going to somewhere with something in their minds.

Sometimes, it's not hard to feel lonely.


I'm too attached to my phone, too much for my own good really.

I crave for a single message, call or anything at all. Seriously, crave's not exaggerating how I feel at all. It's not that I'm not having friends, or my friends are ignoring me, but sometimes I just want someone to be able to call and send a text to at any time of the day, and it's perfectly fine. There's a line for friends that makes it slightly uncomfortable. I'd call Juling, Weijian, Zat, or even Sihui. But I know they've lives and I think they'll think I'm mental of sort if I did that.

Really, it's times like this that I feel sorry fo myself, and that's damn pathetic.


Till again.

Back from work.


Tired as can be, I think I'm still not recovered from the late nights and 11am wake-ups.


Anyway, so life's been, like how everyone puts it; like that lo.

Back to work, back to school, back to doing what we do for the most of our lives.



My friend was complaining to me how boring things are, and I thought to myself, maybe that's why we need a purpose in life.


Whoa. Chim. But to some extent, I think that's true. Ok maybe not a purpose, cos I hardly think we really think about that, but maybe a goal la.


Like, sometimes it's as simple as scoring well for exams, making mum happy, getting through today without getting scolded, etc etc. But when you don't have that goal, like how boring our lives are that we forget about goals, I think we kinda get lost, unhappy, depressed, emo-emo.


ORD. Seems so far away, yet I bet it'll come soon enough. Just like any other PSLE, O levels, A levels, NS. This time, I won't make the mistake of not savouring my moments in where I'm at now. I like the people with me, minus the pricks like Kenneth the ugly-faced.

But somehow I can't wait to go uni, and do uni-like stuff. Guess I'm always the geeky one.


Ok I'm sleepy.


Till again.

I have never.


Yep. I've never slept till 2pm before. Which makes the day really really short. Anyway, it's the new year, so rejoice if the previous wasn't great, and that we all have lived through another year.


Being a new year, nothing really seems to have changed much. Really, it's like as though you expect a ground-shaking wonderful change, but yeah, we still breathe air and pigs still don't fly. But hey, at least alot of us spent this new year with those we care about.


06 wasn't really any big deal, minus that annoying fact that now I'm no more a civillian, but more or less I'm enjoying where I'm at, so that's fine. But with one more year, means a whole lot more of responsibilties and uncertainties. Like, it took us a whole year to reach the end of 06, and now we're at the beginning of this whole cycle again. What, will happen in june, in april, in september?

Random random random.

Somehow I hate unpredictablities. Ever so scary, yet ever so exciting. It's like you never know what's coming round the next corner, and when you actually do enjoy the moment, you realised it's a fluke.


Ok, let's have some things to work forward to this year eh?

1) Be a better person. No more being so picky, particular, and pissed off.
2) Keep this blog alive. It's like one of my favourite things.
3) Not, get into a relationship. (this is very subjective la hor.)
4) Be a better musician. No more noobish playing.
5) At least get somewhere near to getting a driving license. Really.
6) Understand myself more.
7) Gain weight. At least 5 kg. or 10kg.
8) Finish redecorating my room. I wanna put up pictures all over my walls.
9) To have 8), I need to develop photos...
10) Love myself more.


Yep. That's 10 things to try and do. Some are short-term, and some are left-over from last year's.



Thank you to a few people in my life who made 06 great:
1) the folks and sis, for supporting me (nearly) always
2) Baolun, for being a special friend.
3) Juling, forever.
4) Zat, Weijian, Guangrong, Joan, Kenneth and Cat. For Xmas.
5) Azhar, Christine, Gwen, Irfan, Kurn, Min, Mich, Shawn, for Simpangs, A levels, stayovers, laughters, jokes.
6) Huiqing, for being my msn solitaire buddy.
7) Sihui, for annoying me and letting me annoy her.
8) MJCAB.
9) TWE. and TWE alumni for Esplanade.
10) Band B, for making NS much more enjoyable.

Yep, and Fors. This year sort of made us a lil closer, and it's amazing this friendship of ours.


Life can only get better in the new year.

Till again.