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Please try the following: Friday, December 29, 2006
uhuh. Finally!! I can log onto blogger. The net's been down, so it's taking forever to load and usually I just get timed out. Irritating. Anyway, since I'm bored at home these days, cos I'm on off, earned by me k, for working weekends and all that, I've been doing nothing much. But that's not a good thing. When I finally logged onto friendster, I decided to be weird, and search my own name, to see how the other "rickson"s look like. SHUCKS. I wanna change my name now. Cos the other ricksons there are all kinda....ahbengish. Then there's another uncle there too. Shucks. Is my name destined to be an ahbengish name???? Ok now I need a new name. Or I'll just really change it to Rixen, but that just makes it more bengish, and I'll slowly transform into one, with hair growing all over my face and soon I'll start photos of myself, from weird angles and all the emo looks. Then my final transformation is when I start ..... after a few sentences. No! That cannot happen. So slap me if I start doing things like that, or maybe you can be gentler and tell me nicely. Anyhow, just stop me from turning into that. Haha. I'll just cut my nails and hope that the weather remains fine. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 17:33 |
Two of my favourite poems I wrote: Saturday, April 02, 2005 Dear girl, I may not know you now, but someday we will, And with you my heart you'll fill. But please remember that all I am is just a boy, One who can't really be separated with his toys. I may not say the nicest things always, But I would tell the truth to you anyway. Neither would I know the answers to all questions, Though I know I would learn them with you in life's lessons. At times I may just be too blunt with words which is quite misleading, And I really hope that you can remember and be forgiving. For all I am is only a boy who learns from falls and tries to stand tall, But really, underneath I may be nothing at all. We'll sit together on sidewalks and fields, To gaze and stars and I'll wonder what you'll feel. I'll let you lie on my shoulder if you're tired, I'll try to listen to all your problems while keeping very quiet. I'll try to remember your favourite food and colour, Though I may only remember for just an hour. I'll try to be the friend you never had, Yet still the choice you'll never regret. All I need from you is just company and to hold my hand, Support, trust, and maybe even understand my passion for my band. I hope when we do meet I would not blush, Cos I think, or rather know that you will make my heart rush. So with all said and that I've written, Maybe there's a chance that with me you'll be smitten. And once we've met, and introduced our names, The journey's started, and our lives would never be the same. Now here I end this poem of mine, Hoping that you'll not think its another lousy rhyme. Before we meet, on a day with sun or rain I'll dream of you my dear girl, Till again. (I'm such a hopeless romantic.) Cannot Find Server at 22:54 Error occured ---------------------------- Friday, February 04, 2005 Summer's bliss. Though the hands of time passed by into another phase, Yet you never changed, still the one, filled with grace. Your smiles are always warm, but now sadly missed, Bestowed upon us, your summer's bliss. Comforting and mesmerising, your eyes shone with passion, Never once you doubted me, and blessed I am, in confessions. Like a dream you came and left into my life, now which I sorely miss, The time you gave me, your summer's bliss. Not once I've imagined that I'll be lost by gazing, Into those eyes, deep, fiery, so amazing. Like stars dotting the velvet sky, joy I felt and now desperately miss, The love we shared, your summer's bliss. Days passed, and things happened, Lives changed, people forgotten. I would never forget when tears were shed yet brought away just by a kiss, The pieces now lay broken, hoping to be fixed by your summer's bliss. Till again. -------------------------------------- Well considering I wrote a total of less than twenty(or is it ten..) poems, it wasn't hard at all to pick those I liked. I hadn't been able to write poems anymore. Maybe cos I can't find any new words to rhyme, or I've just plain given up. These days, I don't see myself as highly I used to, so do bear with the self-pitying bits. I'm just being more practical la hor. I told someone before that I need strong emotions before I could write poems and stuff like that, and that someone said I was angsty. I don't know. I mean, how do we ever know we've grown out of such stuff, like angst, which we all think it's a teenage thing. Anyway, even with strong emotions, I can't bring words together into such stuff much, it's just getting a lil harder. I need a new outlook on life. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 01:58 |
Merry Christmas. To all you people, who're reading this. Let's hope all goes well for everyone this christmas. Not sending the SMSes, cos it's kinda costly, running low on cash severly this month. Let's get over this year, and on with the next, maybe it'll be better for all of us, or for those who thought this year sucked. Merry Christmas, Gears of War. Pwns. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 18:21 |
Just like I promised. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm all that, at how things are today. That's all. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 00:26 |
If anyone's interested. I wonder if that means I'm all that. I chose only a few that I think it's more true. Full profile here. --------------------------- ENFJ - The Sage Profile ENFJs are lively and enthusiastic facilitators who apply warmth and vision to helping people and meeting their needs. They are aware of people's aspirations and develop plans of action to make those aspirations into reality. They like organization and closure. They are at their best facilitating situations that require interpersonal sensitivity. ENFJs are tolerant and appreciative of others, seeking involvement with them in life's tasks. They are able communicators who are liberal in showing appreciation for others. Living ENFJ children want life to be friendly, harmonious, and lively. They are responsible children because they like to please others and meet their needs. In doing for others, they usually find satisfaction for themselves. They are upset by conflict or disharmony. They are pleasant, exuberant and talkative. ENFJ teenagers are constantly on the go, participating in many, many things. They enjoy a wide variety of activities, not only for that variety but also for the action and opportunity to be with others. They love being involved with friends, clubs, and any activities that let them be with others. ENFJs are often voted most congenial or nicest person in their class. Additionally, they may serve as leaders in their school activities. As students, they are able to focus on the interpersonal spirit or nature of the school and to speak eloquently to others about the school's best values. ENFJs are likable because they notice what is good about people. As young adults, ENFJs set goals early on, both in the personal and professional realms. They follow through diligently and usually attain what they seek. Often the goals they set have to do with making society a better place for people. ENFJs may sometimes feel pulled between financial gain and spiritual gain. Many ENFJs take their religious and community values seriously and want others to do the same. Loyalty, commitment, and responsibility are important values to ENFJs, even as children. They often settle into organizations that have a values orientation, or they will find a spot in an organization that is centered on values or people's need. ENFJs make responsible spouses, employees, and community members. Because most ENFJs enjoy public speaking and seem to have a way with words, they are often asked to present the position of the groups to which they belong. Some ENFJs report that at mid-life they seek situations for themselves where it is possible for them to turn inward. This often takes a structured form such as meditation, journaling, or in some cases even career changes. In retirement, they are likely to want to settle geographically in an area where they have close personal relationships and/or close personal ties to a specific organization. The relationships and values that are imprtant to the ENFJ become even more so in their retirement. Many ENFJs participate in voluntary service work in retirement. Learning ENFJs learn best in structured situations in which they are able to talk bout the lesson and interact with their peers. Because they want their teachers to be pleased with them, they attempt to be model students. They are willing to do what is required in order to become personally recognized by their teachers. Because they take criticism personally, they can either be wounded by it or be willing to redouble their efforts in order to change the criticism. ENFJs enjoy classes that have subject matter relating to people, their needs, their aspirations, and their characterizations. Many ENFJs choose the liberal arts because it gives them an opportunity to more fully explore humanity. ENFJs are good students when the subject matter relates to their strong relationship values and people orientation, and when the teacher is warm and personal. They apply the necessary effort and energy to complete the tasks that they start. ENFJs also like some independent learning and projects. Loving For the ENFJ, love means flowers, poetry, candlelight dinners --- in other words, romance with a capital R. When they first fall in love, they fall in love with an ideal perspective of what the relationship will be, and they fall deeply, head over heels. ENFJs value commitment and loyalty, and look for it from their partner. They typically enjoy activities with their partners that allow them to discuss the relationship and focus on what each person truly believes. When commitments are broken, ENFJs become upset because they see the breakup as a personal reflection on them and because they have idealized the relationship. Since they are willing to put the time and effort into the relationship, they expect it will continue on as it was from the very start. Relationships have their ups and downs; the downs, however, are particularly hard on the ENFJ, who does not manage disharmony well. When scorned, ENFJs may be resentful, spiteful, and deeply hurt. Because they are acutely aware of emotional matters they take the breakup of a relationship especially hard. They are willing to discuss the ending of the relationship with only a few others because they feel a sense of blame and shame for the relationship not working out. ----------------------------- Here are some pics I promised: 
Someone wore white socks la.. Tsk.
Totally Ripped from Roy's blog.  More to come. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 11:58 |
My first ever concert at the Esplanade, might be the last chance I'll be playing there. Thanks to alot of people, for making this happen. Zat, for allowing me that solo. WeiJian, for getting the alumni together. Cheryl, for always being my fave junior. Malorie, for the flower. Xingwen, Yimei, for entertaining me throughout the wait. Cornet section, for being fantastic juniors and friends. Alumni(s), for getting together for this perf tonight. FuQuan, Francisco, Farhan, Andy, Zheng Hua, Zhong Wei, for attending. Damien and Huiqing, for supporting me, at so short notice. Audrey, for being so entertaining. Juling for the cookie, and being my wonderful friend. Wangquan, my fellow bandmate for 8years. Whoa. I'll post photos the next post. Really. Happy 4th year to this blog! Happy birthday to Fors!(on the 20th for both) And WELCOME BACK MIN!!! Yay. Till again~ Cannot Find Server at 01:09 |
Lard. He replied. My reply is: "Orh. If you say so." If you're interested, just go back to the link before I remove it and take a look. I think "orh" is a very good reply to all that. Haha. Frankly, I find this a lil disturbing now. He's actually thanking me. I hope he's fine really. Oh well. Wait for next post! There'll be pictures! Till again. Cannot Find Server at 19:39 |
Let's set the tone right. I think Pang Yu is a lowlife. Haha, right now, most prob I think he would have somehow or another found his way over here, and finding nitty gritty things to bring me down on his blog, which you can find from this link. That's after me giving him a lil comment, for his whole attitude. Well. Why do I say he's a lowlife? Maybe cos he doesn't practice what he preaches, maybe I plain don't like him. Apparently someone else has flamed him on his blog, for saying some unpleasant things about him for complaining about the band. Well, who could blame the flamer, it's like hearing someone curse someone dear to you. Lil gits like him'll never feel what we feel for the band. The git thinks that the band's a waste of time, yet he stays on. I suppose he'll say he doesn't have a choice or something like that, but you know, if you'd really want something that badly to say such nasty things about it online for all to read, maybe actions may justify much clearer, by you quitting the band. You know, I think it's insulting to yourself if you claim to be loyal to be the group, if you despise the group so much, thinking that it's wasting your time. I don't know really, maybe if you think that something's wrong, maybe he'd speak to some higher authorities on how to change the situation, instead of giving useless rants, like some child. Yeah yeah, of course he's talented. It's not everyday everyone's in the Singapore National Youth Orchestra. But I don't get it why he's so conceited about being in there. How much superior is orchestral music to band music? Music is music, babe. There is no superior music, there is only good music and bad music. Good music makes people happy. That's all that really matters. Music can be even midi. I think alot of us would just pretty much smile when we hear the theme from any of our childhood fav shows, and I assure you, it most prob ain't any impressive sounding orchestral music, with all due respect to orchestral music. My point is, I don't like how he thinks. Not that I can do anything about it, but I just think he needs a good slap to the head. Haha. You know, I'm prob as childish as he is if I do, cos I don't think using "fat" and "gay" are insulting words. Cos I don't see what's wrong about being fat and gay. Tsk, I thought the world's over with times where you can get stoned for being stoned for being fat or gay. Oh well. Kids'll be kids. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 00:12 |
Back from camp. Yet again. You know what? The concert on the 20th coincides with my blog's anniversary! Yay. 4 years of blogging and still going strong. At the same place too. Wow. These days, I want to be the best that I can be. But somehow things aren't going the way I hoped. Shan't be emo, or Francisco'll say that I'm sad and try to cheer me up. Not that he doesn't, he just cracks me up, a lil bit oo much. The people at the place where I'm at just makes me wonder from time to time. Some of them are unbelievable. There're like 2 kinds of people I don't really fancy. One's the kind who can't speak up, and are superbly thick skin. Like hell, creepy's the word. These people are harmless, but they'll just creep you out, and when you least expect it, they'll be following behind you, giving you no chance to shake them off, or to refuse them. What's real scary is how they assume that all's fine when they're like totally univited. We all have enought moral values to not tell him that we don't want him around, really. So we end up suffering. Somewhat la anyway, since he doesn't do anything but hover and smile. I meant them. The other kind's the kind who does things up to their own ideas, without any care of others. Blah. Can't say anything about them, can't be bothered really. Fors wrote this: you turn me to a bundle of nerves just by the sheer anticipation of hearing your voice. you make my knees become jelly, and my heart go all a-flutter. but the memories of yesteryear, cut through that same heart like a hot knife, through butter. my name’s all but forgotten, my presence nonexistent, i’d wonder if you remember my eyes, but then, i’d wonder how much of your words, were lies. -------------------------------- They kinda say what I feel. The memories burn. Bittersweet's the word, and really I do wonder how's everything going on now. Friends, can't we still be friends? Maybe these things take time. Like my sis said. Time heals all wounds. But not the scars. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 19:44 |
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have. -Taken from Audrey's blog. Wow. You know, after I said all that just now to Eden, I realised there's so much I need to do to myself, and all that I need to do was to say the things I said to him, not to him la. Leg's aching. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 00:14 |
If you're free, go to youtube, and type "temasek sec". There'll you'll find a few fools uploading some videos of them breaking into the school. Please do not post any comments that'll make them remove them, cos I'm so intending to report that to the police. You know why I call them fools when you watch the videos. Anyway, I survived the week of parades, including yesterday's parade. Basket, now there people who're officers with thousand odd pay, while we're still stuck at $300 odd. LARD, how unfair. I tihnk we should have at least I don't know, $600? Or they should provide weekly foot massage and spa for us, for standing at parades for so long. It's the least they can do right? Haha. Oh last night, I think it's fair that a few of us were angry, ok maybe not angry, but felt unfairly treated. Not that it's right, but there's a reason why we felt that way. Come on, we someway or another earned that day-off, of course we'll feel the pinch that after doing nothing others earn it too. So why the face like we're putting wrong accusations? Maybe the blame should be on the idiot officers who decided it, but hey, when we can't find a proper person to blame, the scapegoat's next. But I really think, that we're not angry at you, but the decision. Also, mary's the new codeword for the place where I'm serving. Haha, that's my decision after hearing what some guy(big shots) said that we needed to seek permission before posting anything on our blogs. So maybe, I shall codeword every single thing I say, and pray that nothing gets found out. Like real. Who needs tuition? I'm rendering my service~ Contact me ya. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 11:56 |
Tickets are @ $12 and $15. Venue: Esplanade Date: 20th December 2006, Wednesday Time: 1930 What's that?? That's the Temasek Wind Ensemble(pronouced on-som, not en-sem-ble please...)'s annual concert! Yay. I'm having four tickets to sell, guess it's either prices, so please, do come and support, cos your's truly, rixen the vixen(for the sake of rhyming only please) will be performing. For 2 songs only la. Sms me please, or just drop a tag, best is sms or email k? Like, I hope someone turns up, at least. Anyone really. It'll be heartening to see someone come to watch me at concert, haha. Feeling a lil unloved at the moment la, so bear with me. Anyway, time for bed, cos it's parades galore for this week, feel free to check out my ugly t-shirt tan. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 00:08 |
The whole world's playing Gears of War, and I'm still playing Halo 2. What's wrong with ME! I need cash. Ok, I need alot more than that, but cash will suffice for now. Next week's officially hell week, cos I'll be on parade the whole of next week, which means I cannot make it to TWE's band camp. How suckily unlucky can that be?? Basket. Nowadays, I'm just counting the parades I survive. That's like the motivation on my mind, to survive parades, and nothing else. Oh yeah, and to live till I get into uni. Parades are incredibly long waits, and seriously, the waiting's the part that kills. Talking about waiting, I once told someone I'd wait forever. I'm still waiting really, but all I hope is that I'll forget about waiting. It doesn't help really, when wherever you go, all you see is her. I smile when I see butterflies, not because I'm evil really. Sometimes it's easier showing the strong side of yourself, than the weak one. I mean, that's the side that the whole world sees of you, it's almost natural. Like, somedays I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle against who knows what, yet I'm still fighting, against something I don't know if it's worth at all. I think alot of us are like that, aren't we? We live to fight to see the next day, most of the time hoping for something better, something new, something to fill the emptiness within. So, when we all say, "just be yourself", it ain't easy at all, really. Anyway, we're aren't ourselves anyway. Half the time we're just trying to be someone we're not. I thought of a reason why I stuck to band for so long. Because when I play, I forget who I am. I am not skinny, not short-sighted, not bad-hair day, not knee-injured, not stupid, not clever, not anything that I am. Except that I can't play some stuff la, but that's another thing. It's the same when I game, or read. I escape. I don't get judged by my looks, my character, me. Anyway, the song for the moment's Texas's Say What You Want. Get it from me if you want, it says alot from such a lil song. Well, you can say what you want But it won't change my mind I'll feel the same about you And you can tell me your reasons But it won't change my feelings I'll feel the same about you -Say What You What, Texas- I think I'll feel the same way too. Till again. Cannot Find Server at 15:59 |
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