For Roy, cos he insisted and he's my friend.


Please, give a helping hand and do this survey. Like, it's Christmas, give a lil time.


http://www.zoomerang.com/recipient/survey-intro.zgi?p=WEB225WF7KPM8E


Thanks.


Till again.

I dont ever think I'll drink. To excess till I get drunk.

Not that I ever drunk alot, but I just don't see myself, in clubs drinking, then puking.

Whom am I to impress? And I'm pretty much convinced to the fate that I'm not the cute guy that girls bother to give a second look kinda guy, so I'll stick to being impressive in other ways.
I've heard loads of stories about clubbing, and I swear, really that there's alot of people I know go clubbing. You know, there are things that we can follow the trend and these are some things that I think we can don't follow.

I said before, there's always things people of our age would do. People this age club, drink, drive, i.e. a transition from youth to adult kinda things. Even Fu Quan said he might just go for the experience. Yeah, maybe, but I still it's a damn waste of money. Hell, I can treat the whole gang for prata with just the entrance fee, plus left over for drinks.

Oh the folks are out on a trip to Malaca(?) today, so it's only me and my sis left at home. I pray for their safe return.


Oh, I meant to say this for quite awhile, but I kept forgetting. Not very recently, but relatively recent to dino-age, my buddy received bliss in his life, and I wish him all the best, and that the moments he has are ever beautiful.
Same to the other gal-pal, you know what we said that night? I still wish you all the best, and bliss may have just found you too.

Bliss, how they make the world a better place.

Like when I got my new shoes today. Momentary bliss.


Zat was commenting on the language of love. That I didn't agree, cos I never thought you could put it into words; it is not a language. Like, words are the most fickle of things. Anyone can say anything and don't mean a thing. What's been said can be forgotten; Actions can be done without the conscience. To me, love is the moment. Love is a connection, at the moment, of the moment.

My two sense anyway la hor. Feel free to disagree too.

You know how dreams are, illogical, and yet you wonder why they even happen in the first place. I've too many deja vus that sometimes I'm afraid of dreaming, cos the things I dreamt may just happen.


It's hard not being cynical after disappointment, no?


Till again.

Smooth E~

Watch them, in order please.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgF-2DeTtc8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdCkeK0eDKc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iymb_2fIdOM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXrPszqfYDQ


Till again.

Seoul Garden on Wed. Cam fanatics. (don't like the term cam-whore la.)

Something's coming over me, so I'm burning all the old songs into my com.


Currently I'm listening and burning Britney's "....Baby one more time" album, so my MSN profile's reading some random song from Britney. Now all my friends gonna think that I'm gay or tasteless to listen to Britney. But, hey- her old songs are fine. It's stops when "hit me baby one more time" was released. Lard, I'll gladly hit anyone who sang or played that, more than one time.


But with songs like "Email my heart", that's like a sign of the coming of the mad IT age. Now songs are about EMAILS?!?!?


But the song's a real sad song, so I guess that warrants the lousy title.


Ah Britney, you should have never grown up. Like my sis said, things that are cute should never be allowed to grow up, like kittens, puupies, hamster, and babies. Cos when babies grow up, they grow into whiny wailing annoying children on buses and mrt, who then grow into angsty teens like myself, and then something screws up in their life and end up as drug convicts and ruin lives of others. It's that scary.


Oh if anyone's interested to know, I lost my shoe. Or rather, it got stolen.

It's my old, relatively cheap pair of Levi's sneakers, or chunks or something like that(what's it again ah roy?) I'm just lucky to have another pair of shoes at hand at the moment ,but poor Xingwen and Selvam lost theirs too and they didnt have an extra pairs of shoe with them. That lead me to think what do we have in common.. Beside us being all guys, and we were in the bandroom, we've practically nothing in common. It must be fate, trying to tie us together. Aw, so sweet of fate.


Now I'm listening to Backstreet Boys, and Moffatts are burning in my com now.

Those were the secondary school days man, and if anyone wants those songs, just ask, I'll gladly lend you the cd (cannot say send, cos that's illegal k).


Songs, they do mark the times of lives don't they.

Like milestones, there's always a song for every moment. It's like who make us go, "eh remember this song? It was playing non-stop when we were studying for our O's...."; or everybody just sings along.

Like how I sang "Crazy~ I went too deep! I'm so excited, I went to sleep!"


Uhuh. If I may, I'll write down a list of things I want/need, in case anyone wants to get me Xmas gift, or birthday present. I'm fine with any, really.


1. Some nice shirt.
2. Gears Of War, Xbox 360
3. 3C cornet or trumpet mouthpiece, bach or denis wick.
4. Shoes...
5. Bag?
6. A new sense of purpose in anything I do.


Till again.

We all love.


Do we not? Moms, Dads, Bros and Sises. Buddies, pals, all that.


Wenqi quoted from Time,
‘Is there such a thing as too much love?’ ‘How much is too much? -- Time


How can you love someone too much really? Love till it hurts?

Bullshit I say.


You can never love too much. Love is like a ghost, people talk about it, but rarely seen. There is no one who knows how to love, because there is no one way to love a person, to love a thing. To just merely say you love and not show should be a crime. Cos when you love, you fight. You tear. You give up all. You abandon. You protect. You become someone else, someone better, or worse.

But love hurts. Love is being truthful, to yourself, to the world. To love is to trust, to trust yourself to do the right things, to let other trust you. Love does not lie, cos to lie is to lose trust, create un-truths.


I won't say I will not love again, but I can't help that the world's a darker shade of everything now. It's like, the haze is here to stay.

Till again.

Oasis- Stand By Me

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
I've got a lot of things to learn
Said I would and I believe in one day
Before my heart starts to burn.

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new ...Don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go, away

Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find behind the door

Stand By Me -- Nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me -- Nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me -- Nobody knows the way it's gonna be

If you're leaving will you take me with you
I'm tired of talking on my phone
But there is one thing I can never give you
My heart will never be your home

-------------------------------------------

It was a wonderful night. More or less.

I only remembered this song after Zat sang it, and realised this song means alot to me, more than any other did.


Ah well, I'll just post more pictures.

Till again.

Bloody hell.


I had a decent post up last night, and blogger went beserk on me.


Sorry Benny, I'll do that post some other time.



Maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight.



Maybe later.


Till again.

I don't really wonder who reads this space of mine.


I mean, it's the same few people who have been reading this space, for like what, 3 years or so?


There was this point of time, where I really wanted to make my blog go places, and by going places, I meant let it be well-read by alot of people, and make it something sophisicated and classy kinda thing.

But no matter how ever I wrote, ranted, mumbled and blabbered, the contents of this blog remained the same, it was about me and how I thought about the people around me, some subtlely, some not so.


I mean, that's just how blogs are. It's a very me-to-you-all-out-there thing. This online persona of mine is most probably the closest me you can get, the me on the computer is more real than the me you see.


It was always hard to say things out in words, but easier to type it out. In every sense.


To say things online, there's always the "tone" lacking. And the lag of the reply, which makes it very convenient for one to gather thoughts and choose a more correct reply. And you can never sound uncertain, unless you go "ermm......".


I wonder if my folks ever should find out about this blog, would they figure more about me? Nowadays, I keep to myself alot at home. Mostly to this com, and to my Xbox. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if I stopped talking to anyone at all.


Like someone told me, jokingly, though it did hurt me, it sucks to be me. At times la. Angsty hero wannabe.


Anyway, I've been trying to look for some song lyrics to try to post here to show how I feel, but no avail. Basket.


Oh I stole this from Zhongwei's friendster. Thought some people might like to see some pictures posted. Spot me?




Till again.

Maybe sometimes we need to stay away from reality by drifting into other people's reality.


Or maybe we just need to watch some freaky movies.


I had no idea what came over me, must be something real bad to agree to watch the grudge 2 yesterday. Considering how annoyingly freaky any form of ghost shows are to me, this remake totally creeped me out. And they say that the jap original is even freakier. No way I'm gonna watch that.


Anyway, these moodswings of mine are getting somewhat under control, maybe I just need to stay out of contact from those that trigger them.


I think everyone wants to be the angtsy hero, don't we all.


I mean, more often that not, some of us, like myself have really felt in some way or another that our lives are really down in the dumps, and nothing, absolutely nothing from no one can match our misery.

How we envy nearly everyone else, and how we wish to be in their shoes.

How everyone else is much richer, and much happier than we are.


I keep telling myself that things will turn out for the better, but then something my friend told me suddenly came to me.

"You can't just say things and hope that they'll happen. You have to make them happen."


Really, I'm jealous too often these days of those I hate. They always seem to be doing better than I am. That's why I hate them. Haha, duh.


I'm looking forward to June/July next year.


Till again.

I'm having a splitting headache, and yet I'm here blogging, and like an hour ago to now, I was playing Summonknights 2.


That's how well I treat myself.

Like I told Fors, I'm too lazy to eat when I'm hungry. I need people to feed me. Haha.


Life's not in the same hues that I saw it in the last few years that I remembered. I've been wondering where am I going here? Am I doing what I believe in? Am I good?


I used to believe that whatever life takes away from you, they give you something equal and even in return. Now, I don't see anything equal in return that I'm getting.


Maybe that's a lil' lie or denial to reality. Life's not always fair.


Seriously, I'm not exactly enjoying myself in where I am at now. I don't find much solace with people at work. I'm not performing well. I'm worrying over my monthly expenditure. I'm very very annoyed by the littlest things. I've bad hair. I'm losing contact with alot of my friends and I'm not doing much.

I'm the one at fault.

I can't help but blame myelf for all that has happened. And the feeling sucks. I get into moodswings so quickly I feel irritated at myself for acting like some kid. I really want to put the blame somewhere else so that at least I can get angry at and then pretend it's not my fault.


At times I really hate myself for exisitng cos I don't see a point at all. I hate myself for being something I hate the most, a self-pitying fool that craves attention from people to tell me I'm not a bad person.


There's so much more to ask myself why, but I keep lying to myself.


Lies. They really hurt. Especially when they're told by yourself, to yourself.



And yes, Happy Birthday to Weijian. I'd never forget your birthday. You're the friend.



Till again.

We're taught to remember the idea, not the man;
because the man can fail.
He can be caught,
he can be killed and forgotten.
But four hundred years later, the idea can still change the world.

You cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it or hold.
Ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain.
They do not love.


V For Vendetta-2006


I've been pondering on how to continue this post for the whole day, and it's already 8.24pm.

I'm really at my most unproductive at home.


I don't know why, but I'm being very nostalgic these days. Like yesterday before I went out for breakfast with Azhar, I went through my old box of cards and started to look through all those things that happened so long ago. Maybe it's the year end thingy, you start to wonder where the hell did the whole year disappear to?


Now I'm flipping through my lil notebook from last year, and it's filled with stuff like, "so-and-so's birthday", "assignment due", "consultation at 2.30" and all those stuff, and I can so picture the events themselves as I read them. Whoa, flashbacks.


I can't believe myself, on how mopey and emo I've become on my blog these few posts.


I mean, I didn't used to believe in pouring my heart on here for all to see. It's like showing my weak side, and heck, I look weak enough already.


Argh my neck's aching. Ok I've spent the whole in front of my com. I'm getting nuts.


Off to bed.



Till again.

The weekend comeths.


Blah, it's my first main change of guards parade(there's a support, which was what I did last month), and I'm a reserve. Bloddy hell, don't think I can blame anyone 'cept myself, for going out of step.

But it's not my fault that I've a faulty knee and (include all kinds of excuses).


So I've gotten over it anyway, but hey, do come and watch, cos we're premiering Wong Kah Chun's March No.4, The Enchanted Carousel. Nice k, it had us singing it constantly without us unknowingly.


Suddenly I resovled to be a better musician. It always happens after talks with Joseph. I mean, we weren't talking about anything great, but he kinda inspires me alot more than the others. Doubt he reads this though.


I've got a sudden urge to do some self-discovery again. I realise I need to know myself better, the way that people know me, not the way I know myself. Think I've been kinda deluding myself after all that has happened. I'm sure I'm more than me.


Blah, anyway parades galore's coming up in December, and I can't help but think that I'm not the favourite of the management thanks to my lousy parade perfomances during rehearsals. Hey, what am I gonna do if I tend to prefer a better sound than neat marching? Heh, I'm screwed ain't I?


I'm becoming quite money-minded these days. I don't know what I'm saving for at all. I used to save so that I'd have enough money to go on dates and for movies that sort of things, but now, I'm scrimping so much, I haven't even gotten the latest issue of my Detective Conan comic! Maybe I'm just saving for the sake of saving, but somehow, I'm still not accumulating much cash. Something's going wrong, maybe I'll skip a few more meals. Haha.


You know, when you're 19, you realise that you're not getting any younger, and you hope that time slows down. I wanna go back to school, to secondary school, JC, and all that.


A little ad, go take a look. It's definitely worth your money.
http://www.crumbs-inc.blogspot.com/

Bummer, another random post.


Till again.