In case anyone wants to know, the previous post was post no. 400.


Whoa~


Anyway. I was just wondering how far has music gotten me to.

Not very far as I can see.

I mean, I've never really benefitted anything from music. Sure I've gain a little knowledge, but anyone would have done so if they learnt something new. Really, I've never gotten a fantastic achievement out of it, nor any great mentions from it, even though I think I put in a hell load of effort and time into it.

Blah. I guess I don't possess any of the great traits to make it in music.

But the greatest consolation is that I've met alot of great people. And that's the only thing I guess.


Sometimes I wonder what would I have done if I didn't join band. Prolly chess club or some boring shit. I was going for swimming but they were closing it down when I entered school. If I had joined, maybe I'll be tall and tan, and prolly with a better built. Imagine that. Whoa~


I realised the question "how come" doesn't make sense.
How come what? I mean, "how" is a "come". Like what the hell.


Wait. "How come" is singlish. Damn I just wasted time pondering over such nonsense..


Ok this blog entry's getting nowhere. Tomorrow's the performance at Turf Club. And my leg's hurting abit. I'll pull through, just pray that it doesn't lead to anything else worse.


I really need a goal in life.


And finishing my games aren't really practical.


Till again.

The A's are coming!

The O's are coming!


Freaky.


A few years (lazy to count you see) I was studying frantically in TMS's school canteen and classrooms with the buddies.


A year ago I was studying like overnight at airport frantically nearly everyday for the A's with the other buddies.


But I feel somewhat anxious that the exams are coming. It's just a scary thing, like year after year since I was. erh.. 6years old(can never remember what age we go to primary one) the year ends are always preoccupied with those exams.

And now there comes this break from studying, and I feel abit at a loss.


Yeah, NERD.

Can you really blame me? I mean, for the better half of my life, I've been studying, and maybe that's what I can do better in, though the grades never did show for much. Flunked my way through JC I did.

Like really, I ain't sporty, nor otherwise inclined (meaning the arty thingys like dance and all, but I can't remember how to spell that "aes...." word). So I think I thrive on burying myself in books.

Really, I think back and I just smile at the times when I was mugging. They're hard, but they were fun. Must be the company. I mean, it's just great to do things with people that share the same goal in mind. No?


I'm dying to catch the movie Deathnote. And I've no one to go with me! Basket. Think I'll watch it alone tomorrow.


It's a struggle to get life back on track, but I'm trying.

Happy Birthday Mummy!


Till again.

The Fray- How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


I'll save a life someday.


Till again.

Today's the start of my like long long break.

It's not a given thing k, it's deducted from our off/leave account k, so don't anyhow anyhow say what we have an easy life hor. Going on parade also shiong de leh.


Anyway spent the bulk of the day doing nothing, but playing FFVII the ancient game and my xbox 360 in the morn. What a total waste of a beautiful day. Maybe I'll go off to the beach alone tomorrow or something. I mean, alone time's important.


Been reading stuff online, i.e. blogs la. I can't help but wonder why some people are happy?


I don't think I'm being sardonic(hope I used this word correctly), but happiness can only last so long. Sometimes I really try to bask in the moments with my family and friends, but that can only last so long. Like, what happens after that?

I'm being very very moody, grouchy like my sister says. Trying not to be but hey, give me a break. I don't think I ever was the whoopdee doo kind. Maybe I was, but things change, and I think I too a little.

I think.


Then there's this anti-social part of me. Somehow the point of conversing for the sake of it does not appeal anymore.


I think I lost a friend. Now I know how alot of them felt. You know when you're not a part of them anymore. I think I've not been a part of "us" for a very long time, only that Roy still calls me that's why I still exists there.

This doesn't call for an explanation, cos it's expected. I've seen my fair share of it to know when's my turn. Seriously.


This is why sometimes I hesistate to make friends. You meet new people, you make friends. You end up good friends, and you forget the others. Duh, it's normal. But I don't know about the others, but I feel the guilt. And even more to those I don't even bother to ask out even we're in so close proximity. That makes me even more guilty.

Blah, blogged about this before. Shan't continue.


So I lost friends, felt sad and...wasted time. I wonder what kind of therapeutic things I can do. I don't shop, nor do I binge.

Maybe I'll read. Or take a bath.


You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Alanis Morissette- You Learn



I'll learn.

Till again.

One more time.

How does the world see me?

I'll Move On- Olivia (Fine, I know I need to.)

Will I have a happy life?

The People Fight Again(FFVII AC Version) - Nobuo Uematsu (That's not very promising.)

What do my friends really think of me?

Canon in D - Canandian Brass (An over-played song?)

Do people secretly lust after me?

The Bottomless Pit - Joe Hisaishi ( too many, or none at all? I'll take the latter.)

How can I make myself happy?

1985- Bowling For Soup (Be hung up about the past? Naw.)

What should I do with my life?

Like A Virgin - Moulin Rouge 2 (No marriage????)

Will I ever have children?

Fields Of Gold - Sting (Erh. I can't figure this one out.)

What is some good advice for me?

Shine - Plain White T's (Aw.)

What is my signature dancing song?

Blue Moon - Frank Sinatra (Old Fuddy Duddy.)

What do I think my current theme song is?

Falling in Love Again - Eagle Eyed Cherry (Bullshit.)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Break The Night With Colour - Richard Ashcroft (I don't even know what's this song's about..)

What song will play at my funeral?

I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden (Finally, after I'm dead they tell me.)

What type of men/women do I like?

Heaven Knows - Rick Price (Nuff' said.)

What is my day going to be like?

Disease - Matchbox 20 (Basket. That's not funny.)

Till again.

Let's be frank with myself.

It's over.


Really, I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that it's over, but some part of me is holding me back that there is still hope. There is always hope in life.


Maybe I'll never bring myself to say this face to face, but let me say it here before I stop typing and stop myself again from doing things that I should have done.

I'm sorry. This apology goes to you. Apologies never did count much for me, but when it came from you, it always made everything else right. I'm sorry for all the times I was particular, moody, angry, over-bearing, all the things you hated and yet I still did.

Remember when we began, how worried I was about how we were to go on? It's cos I was afraid of the time, the time when things have to be end and I've to get over things. But you took my hand and told me it'll be "as long as possible". I believed you, and I never thought of any other endings except those with you.

I loved you. And I still do.

I never stop doing that, nor did I grew less and less fond of you.

You were motivation-when times were hard, I'd pulled through cos I knew you were around.
You were joy- I'm always glad to know that we're together.
You were life- My life always did revolve around you.
You were love.

You were beautiful to me. Remember this poem.....?

Saturday, March 26, 2005

My Princess.

They laugh at her funny dressing, at her books she reads,
They laugh at her boring hair, at her way she seats.
But I call her my princess,
Who cares if she fails her tests.

They laugh at my princess, they call her names,
They point and laugh and mock like its a game.
But I call her my princess, I will protect her,
She's mine to hold and I'll ride the waves till its over.


It was for you. You were different from all of them, and that set you apart. You were special. You were dear to me. You were my princess, my queen.

We had common interests; we wanted to be sight-nins, I was to be your shinobi. We introduced our favourite mangas to each other, we poured our souls to each other in ways different from others.

When I told you I loved you, I meant it. Every single syllable, letter.


You grew and you changed. The way you dress, the way you spoke, the way you were. You became more out-spoken, out-going, different. Or was it I who changed? I don't know. Really.


I would not know if you'd read this, or would you even bother to, but I thought it was finally the time I had to pour my feelings out somewhere, or not I'd forever be stuck being moody and angry at myself. I hope you don't hate me. I can't bring myself to see you, it pains to know that I can't love you the way I did before. But I'll get over that.


I'm sorry for being me.


And yes, "childish" is the worst word I've ever said.


Till again.

Everybody talks.

Loudly, softly.

To themselves, to everyone.

Charismatically, irritatingly.

Honestly, lying.


Yeah, we all talk. But who listens? But sometimes I guess we all wish that we're the ones and the others are the ones who listen.

I don't think we want a listening ear. We want someones who agrees with us. Seriously. Listen to some arguements and I think you'll agree; how we like to put ourselves in a favorable position, how we're pitiful, the one who's thinking of everyone's welfare, yaadaayaadaa.

Ironically, we don't.


Anyway, I'm back. Didn't think I would totally close this down, did you?

I'm trying to get back to life the way it was, like how I did before, and I hope I'm doing fine too.


And yes, Roy's dance items really rock. Like it was the first dance concert I went to, and really, I was wondering if we should switch the phones to silent mode, like, it doesn't really matter does it? Loud music and all. Guangrong's really at his element when he dances. Like freak, he flows with the music.

Dance is his way of conversing with us I guess.


Anyone has any pictures of me so that I can change that picture by that side? I don't think I usually look so happy.


Till again.