Ok ok, I'm here still babes.

Sorry for the lack of updates, cos really, I'm just tired, and really, mundanity in life has ended up with nothing to blog about.

Anyway, I've something to address.

When inferiority complex hits hard, and it affects those around because it shows, that's bad.

Like, everyone's, except egomaniacs, will feel inferior from time to time.
That's fine.
Really.

Like me, 2 days ago, feeling at the pits and regretting the decision to ever have joined the band, as I've absoultely nothing to show after like 6 years of playing. Blah blah blah all those sob stories that I feel stupid even thinking about. But hey, I get over it.

But inferiority complex gets bad when people feel bad about themselves, feel sorry for themselves to the extent they start seriously being convinced that they suck even though they have like alot to show for, i.e. good grades, good skills, and the works, it'd get annoying.

It's also bad when people start telling lies to cover themselves up.

I mean it's one thing to feel embarrased with your short comings and another to tell tall tales to get people impressed. I think it's just disgusting when that happens, and people actually buy it. What's the point really? Being something you're not and at the end of the day, start feeling sorry again? I don't know if that makes sense.

Sometimes I think we all need some time to sit down and really really think.

People go: "I think you should this, that.." and every other thing, except ourselves. Not saying we should be self consicious( donno how to spell la.. I hate this word yet it's so important...), but I mean how hard is it to take a look at the mirror and ask if what we've done's right? If all of us really sat down and thought about it, alot of us would have died of guilt.

And is it really really important to be highly ranked? I've nothing against people with high ranks, maybe cos I can't afford to have, but sometimes I just don't agree with the obession of jokes about being highly ranked. Hm.


Oh anyway, stay-in in camp will be starting soon for me, so this place will be even less updated. I'm really sorry, but I'll try to make it up with more photos k?



Big Ass Tube of Mentos.


I love this structure. Took it on day out at Arab Street with balloon.


Graduation Day Decor. Pretty shiny things.


Dean and I cam-whoring.


Ignore the ugly prick middle behind. He's unmentionable. He's one of those lil thingys that is everything I wrote about in posts that describe stupid people.


Till again.

So Min has left us all for her studies, and we're like already feeling some emptiness within the group. Sigh, will things ever be the same without Min and her laughter and endless photo taking thingys?

Till December Min~ Take care till then. =)

So like, I've finally applied for my PDL, short for Provisional Driving License. Which means~ I'm like 1/erh...6(?) way to getting a license to driving! But I've not booked my driving lessons, so that's kinda taking things abit too fast.

Yeah, these are the things that people our age do.

When we were 3, we didn't bothered about what happened tomorrow as long mummy and daddy were around to play and feed us.

When we were 10, all that mattered was catching Power Rangers on Saturday, and that'll make our day, even if we got scolded the day before for not doing homework or something like that.

When we were 16, all that mattered was our friends and how people look at us. As long we have some friends who really were friends, we'd be happy and contended. Who really bothered about school, if not for the people in it?

Now that we're 19, it's getting a license, finishing NS, cursing irrational superiors, uni and hostel life, and soon we'll be worrying about getting a job.

You know, it's like at every age we're at, we think we're old enough, and we're matured. At least for me.

I remember, when I was 13, sec 1, I felt really old when I visited my primary school to meet my teachers when looking at the primary school kiddos.

Then a few days back, I felt old when I looked at my juniors in my secondary school.

Maybe I'm too concerned about feeling old, but it's like to me, being old kinda puts you in a place to be responsible for those younger than you. There's always something in the mind that tells us that whatever these kids will be going through, we've been there and done that.

Anyway, I ain't getting younger, I still wonder how long I am going to keep this blog going. This is definitely one of my treasured thingys. It's like, a few years worth of effort all down here. May not be the most entertaining thing online to people who read, but it gives me a place. Makes me feel a lil bit important, like at least people are reading what I think. That's why I try not to be very GP GP kinda way of writing, heh. As long it makes sense, it's good enough. =)

So yep, people complain I've not been putting up pictures... so here's a few from the past few outings I've had. Enjoy.

PS: most of the beach photo's are from Azhar's cam, but I took a few of them too. =p

PPS: the rest are taken using my K750i. Whoa. Not bad hor.




National band Comp, MJCAB. That stands for MJC Alumi Band. Though we took part as MJCSB cos we were with the main band... erh yeah. Ask me online for details if you even bother.



I was at NDP! I took this photo.. which means I'm not performing la.



Yes, Fu Quan's our secret love.



Azhar's secret love is me apparently... I don't seem to happy. hmm.



Cutest dog ever at Tanjong beach.



Like Cherie says, deserves to be on cutedog.com. Haha.



Gwen terrorising the dog...



04A104, half of it at least.



Something's weird here.. I think Shawn's denying that he farted.



Beautiful sky at Sentosa.



Holy rays of light, if you can see it, you're holy too. Heh.



Till again.

I've stopped taking photos for quite a while.

If people know me long enough, I used to be the one who took loads of photos and uploaded it onto my online album and everyone would like have looking laughing and using all those mad pics as their friendster pics.

Yeah, I was browsing through a few close friends' profiles when I saw my pics inside there. Then I realised how much we needed to take more photos to remember ourselves of things that'll pass and we'll never remember unless we've super memories, or photos.

It's like, the Balloon Hat Fest, the first celebration night, SYF 03, and all that wonderful moments. Now that I stopped taking pictures of that magnitude, I wonder that we all stopped having fun moments. We meet up so rarely, I rather immerse myself in the fun we have than like last time, I would withdraw myself and capture those moments instead.


Anyway, found this online. Interesting..in a way.
(decided to copy and paste from the site directly, in case they close it down or smthg..)

--------------------------------------
Would you Dump an NS boy for a Uni Man?

Of course!

Oh, sheathe those claws, boys. Don't be rude. You would do so if you were in the same position.
Think about it: New environment and you're all alone; you don't recognise a single face and you're worrying how and where to start; your partner can't understand what you're facing and it's hard to explain; and then, you make a new bunch of proximity friends, and it's so much easier to hang out with them.

Hmmm? That's not university? That's national service? Well, well, well, how alarmingly bright you are. And here I was, worrying myself to wrinkles that I might die in the couple of decades you'd take to get it.

So you see, right? Beginning University and starting National Service is almost the same experience. I say "almost" because I know that if I said "the same", all the NS recruits in the country would be swarming over me like a pack of hounds before the night is out. They'd bay for my blood, because I had dared equate the tortures of 24-klik marches under the blazing sun and grimy sweaty trench-digging with "going to school".

"Going to school"? Ha! Now it's the university students turn to snort. University's a far cry from primary school where wide-eyed kiddies sweetly share their last piece of keropok with you. Anything precious here is more likely to be tightly wedged between a butt and a chair than shared. It is here you feel the need to find friends fast more than ever. It's the pack instinct: safety in numbers; comfort and acceptance too.

So, when you're feeling more than a little vulnerable, you crave comfort, as girls do when they play Moses and bravely face the Red Sea. And we all know that Comfort's schizo, right, girls?
Sometimes she's Ben & Jerry's (gender-crisis), sometimes she's Cadbury & Hersheys, while other times she's Paul & Frank. That is, Paul, your 3-year NS boyfriend; and Frank, that guy from your university orientation group.

It's not that you don't love Paul. After all, he was the one gave you your first kiss; he was the one sitting next to you, picking at the miniscule plate of Prom Night food you each paid a bomb of $90 for; he was the fool that queued an hour at MacDonald's to buy that Hello Kitty toy you wanted, throwing away the McMeal. (SIN! Mistreatment of food! WASTREL!)

But things have changed. It's not the same anymore, you sniffle delicately. He's changed. All he wants to do is talk about his water-parades, complain about his officer-in-charge, that time he scrubbed the loo with his platoon, and his buddy (now that really perturbs you).

Frank, on the other hand (literally), is ever so attentive, always there for you, and oh, oh, so understanding…..

Smell the coffee, girl! OF COURSE, he's understanding! That guy's in the same university as you! He breathes the same lecture hall air as you, eats the same canteen food as you, sleeps in the library and drools over the same course books as you! It isn't hard to be understanding when you're doing all the same things!

No, shut up Frank , I'm not blaming you. I just want Pollyanna here to see how obvious it is that you have the Unfair Advantage in this case. Yes, the UA.

The UA presents itself in every single situation that occurs. Born of the Unfair World, the UA clings on to one party that catches its fancy and allocates them that tad bit more weight to tip the scales in their favour. Intrinsically irrational, UAs choose not by logic, but by pure whim and coincidence.

Coincidence, that he's at the same stage of life with you, enabling him to be there physically when you need him, to be in the experience with you. If it was based on that alone, Paul would never have had a chance. Why would you choose a partner who can never be there over a partner who always is?

Because you know it's not Paul's fault. He didn't choose not be there. He didn't choose to be away in Brunei killing chickens and wearing 5 day old underwear when you wanted to talk to someone about your voodoo plans for your slacker project mate.

But you've reached a point when you don't particularly care, you just want someone to be there for you. You know you'll hurt Paul's feelings and that bites, but you can't help being selfish. You want to be selfish. You want what feels best for you.

Now we're left feeling awfully sorry for Poor Paul and snarling at Frank the Filch. However, if recall what I said earlier, the situation of entering NS and beginning University life being almost the same, what do you think would have happened if Paul started NS with a co-ed company and Pollyanna entered an all-girls University?

Sounds far-fetched? Well, just indulge me and stretch your imaginations thinner. Paul, is now the one with opportunities galore, and Pollyanna? Pollyanna's the nun.

So, tell me, who is more likely to break up with who?

In a Chanel lipstick case (because a nutshell is so passé), we are all Fortune's fools. She plays us in situations we have little control over. Live with it.

And all the Pauls out there? Life's not over. In 2 years time, you'll be at university, and then, during the orientation camp, you finally get the chance to introduce yourself as " Frank, the name's Frank."

-----------------------------
Till again.

For the hell fun of it~ (minus the say out loud thing.)

---------------------------------------

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
I'll Be There For You- The Rembrandts
Aw, that's nice. I'll be there for the world.

Will I have a happy life?
Save Me- Corrine May
Shit.

What do my friends really think of me?
Time of Your Life - Green Day
I'm having the time of my life? Not now definitely..

Do people secretly lust after me?
It's All Been Done - Bake Naked Ladies
Hahaha! Been there, done that, those people. *blush*

How can I make myself happy?
The Path Of Wind - Joe Hisaishi
Follow the path of wind... a lil Joe Hisaishi will never hurt.

What should I do with my life?
Taste It - Blue
Haha! I swear I didn't cheat!

Will I ever have children?
Stand- Jewel
Rhymes with ten???

What is some good advice for me?
Numb Encore Remix - Jay Z and Linkin Park
Eh?

What is my signature dancing song?
Mononoke Hime - Joe Hisaishi
Once again, a little Hisaishi will never hurt. =)

What do I think my current theme song is?
There You'll Be - Faith Hill
Eh.. wha?

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Yeah, desperate for some company.

What song will play at my funeral?
Me Against The Music - Britney Spears
Haha, die liao still want to be be against the music. I thought death for me was to be with the music. Hm.

What type of men/women do I like?
Please Don't Die -Robbie Williams
Yeah obviously. I don't want them dead, nor dying.

What is my day going to be like?
As Lover Goes - Wyton Marsalis
Meaning? Sweet? Or tragic?

------------------------------------------

Haha. That was fun. Maybe I shall do that every week or something. Really interesting. Oh btw, that was taken from Keith's blog. Try it. Fun~

Till again.

NS has really made me much much duller up in the attic, so I'm just ripping this off Mary-Anne's blog.

Yeah. Kinda short summary if you wanna know more about me. Like, for what?

-------------------------------------------------
I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now. (more often than not...)
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I can't survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone. (yeah right.)
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God. (I hope he believes in me)
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends. (this is very...objective.)
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now. (but i could be someone better)
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument. (not really.)
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like hotdogs.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I am doing this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. (I drool though.)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I think climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at least one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy. (if I can help it.)

I seriously suspect that my mom's having menopause at this moment. She's having so much moodswings so regularly, I'm following her moodswings as well.

It's madness, she's being so sensitive and obsessed with every single little details of absolutely nonsense that it pisses me off as well. Like, she's trying to pick a fight with me every sinegle moment possible. Moms. Go figure.

Not really been in a blogging mood for these days. Don't know why, just hope that this'll pass soon enough. Hate to see this blog to sink to some lull, boring posts.

Blegh.

Have I mentioned how much I hate regimental lifestyle? Yeah, I really do.

Till again.

"But going back to MJ and SCAS has made me realize something. I meet all these people not because I’m scared they’ll forget me, but to remind myself that once, this was where I belonged. Because being at the 2 places, I really felt at ease. Like, I knew that once, I had spent time there and it had helped me in some way, to be who I am. " - Ameera on her blog.

Reading those sentences really really connected with me. No wonder I like the way Ameera writes. Haha. But seriously, I guess that's why a whole load of us refuse to let go of our past, and keep returning to these places, like what Wee Kiat says, Lao Bu Si (old already still don't die and go away, loosely translated).

It's like, even though I return rarely to TWE now, but I think of that place very very much. A few mornings when I wait for 969 at Tampines, which happens to share the same berth with bus 10, I'd see some sec ones, I presume holding clarinet cases and those stuff. Just that simple sight makes me smile.

Looking at them reminds me of myself, long long ago, when I was still like what, 130 cm in shorts in Sec one adoring the seniors and pratically worshipping anyone older. I see them and I wonder, will they follow the paths that I took, or rather my batch took, the one where we were passionate about music and fought for what we wanted regardless of the stupid people around us?

I remember myself at that age, I didn't really bother about life after TWE. I was somewhat in denial that TWE will never end for me. When it did, I told myself that I will return to TWE and make them juniors treasure their stay in TWE. Sadly, I don't think I did that. Excuses excuses excuses, I made all of them to hide my guilt. I wanted to return something to the place where I grew up the most, ever ever ever, than any other place. Even more than home.

We go places, we met new people. We live and enjoy the days as if they're never going to end. When it does we start regretting. That's only natural. It's like, you don't expect people to be morbid and start giving intense hugs and presents to people everyday. Well I do at times, telling people how much I appreciate them, but usually they just look at me weirdly. That's why I guess I enjoy the hugs that I share with Wei Jian and gang.

I've really no idea how this thing, friends, really work.

We can have friends who laugh with us, eat with us, walk with us, sleep with us and get punished with us and all that jazz, but at the end of the day, we go to our own homes and forget about each other till the next day we meet. Then when time passes even more, we part to different places, these friends simply leave and leave us like we've never met, never ate with us, never laughed, never walked with us, like we've never made anything mark in their lives.

It's kinda sad, yet it makes sense again. I guess sometimes, we're just looking for company to pass time. We're social things. Yet we can't really juggle too much social life at one go. Tsk.

Gwen was saying how much she hated meeting new people cos she's not the social one. I can sorta relate to that. I hate making new friends, cos I know I'll end up forgetting some of the old ones.

Shucks. I've no idea what I'm rambling on now.

Anyway, I've been told not to blog about work, cos word over there spreads like ache on a 13year old's face, so if you want to know what I feel about work... I guess you'll have to ask me, or I'll set up some special place to write there. Sigh, to think I need to resort to such things to blog.

Oh I think these days my mom's being very very grumpy these days. Nuts...

Till again,