i've been seeing those big black ants around my house these days.


it means two things. either my house is getting dirtier, or these ants are taking over the smaller ones.


its been ages since i saw these ants around. maybe it has been at least a year or two since these big black ants reappeared in my home. i cant help to remember those days of my childhood spent playing with them. i used to be very fascinated by them. my mom told me when i was younger, and when she was busy, she would simply get one of the ants, put it into a transparent container, and i would be entertained for hours. if it lived longer then that.


its the simplicity of my childhood that surprises me. yes, of course there were toys, but they were really simple toys. there was this big box of masak masak, with this big spider which scared me out of my wits. my parents cleverly used it to get me out of the kitchen or anyplace they dont want me near by hanging it there. pure evil. but then as i grew older, the toys i had changed too. i started playing with action figures, batman, g.i.joe, and my fave, transformers and ninja turtles.


and i still keep them around. these are fragments of my childhood, and i intend to keep them with me till who knows when. they remind me of the child in me, remind me that there are days when i should just kick back from all of life's hectic and stressful ways, and be a kid again.

and its up. and i decided to have an official captionator, heh, which is our dear roy! haha.. enjoy the pics and roy's lame and bloody funny captions here

i slept,ate,and am well@hotmail.com


hahah.. this is such a retarded post, in the sense that its quite senseless, and yet i took quite a long time to blog this.


yesterday was such a blast of a day. i'm so bloody glad to have weijian as a brother,friend. but like this isnt his only purpose of being my friend la, other reasons includes lending me games, being a nice buddy, teaching me stuff, and loads of others. but most importantly, he's a heck of a brother.


conrad hotel totally rocks. the room rocks, the pianist rocks, the ambience rocks, the bathtub rocks, and the food, man... you've just gotta taste it. the succulent lamb chops were the highlight for swakus like us, not having tasting anything of this sort.


went linedancing after that, and for which we realise how zat was a celebrity in the linedancing world. like how many praises he gets and how people want to talk to him. so even though he fell down, he's still glam la, hor zat?


we(meaning zat(of course), j(duh..), guangrong, chonghu, eugene and alan.) started the @hotmail.com rubbish, which includes roy's whydidisignup@hotmail.com, my addme@hotmail.com, areyousurehes@hotmail.com, and alan's mynameisalanlowwailoonandiliveinsengangandihaveanemail@hotmail.com. not forgetting the royston ang mo kio, and rickson tanpines, eugene lim chu kang and alan low yang. yeah, crap, but what do you expect? its us.


but this trip to conrad wasnt another idle trip around. it was to celebrate chonghu's 17th birthday, for which he got some beautiful presents*refer to pics*(will be posting them up soon), and a beautiful cake. could see how happy he was, tears in the eyes and all..so ya, happy birthday big dude, be the bear we know.


coincedentally, its also malorie's birthday, surprise surprise. so here'e wishing her a happy and wonderful birthday. but i doubt she'll read this though.


had a question for myself for quite awhile. what is my role is my group of friends?


and people who do things to just to be different. think again, are you trying to be yourself, or trying to let people think that's yourself, when deep inside you're just a girl who needs attention? dont hate people for what they do, love them for what they did not do. just as the same as dont grief over the marks you lost in a test, appreciate the marks you've gotten.

You are the Justice card. Justice preserves the
harmony of the world. Working with opposite
forces, Justice does not seek to criticize or
condemn but rather to accept. The idea behind
the card justice is that opposite forces are
complementary; you could not have good without
evil or light without darkness. Justice's
position is to make sure that if a thing is out
of balance, the weight of its energy is
realigned with its opposite force. This card is
also a card of humour, for it is in pointing
out contrary positions that humour is often
found. The attitude that is found in the
humourous person, being able to shift
perspective and flow with an instinct, is
important in the maintenance of good balance.
Image from The Blue Moon Tarot Deck.
http://www.themysticeye.com/pics/bluemoon.htm


Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


will blog later this week. its been too tiring. i need to soothe my throat. *hoarse voice..*

a chat with my conscience, character and soul.


these are questions i've asked myself, and are answering to my most truthful ability. hee.


me: hey, what's up with me these days? sometiems feeling moody, sometimes fine...
ccs: haha, naw, its just the jc thingy going on ya? dont worry, you'll get over it fast enough. once you got enough rest.


me: but sometimes, i feel i'm drifting away form all my friends, as if i'm moving to jc and leavnig all of them behind, that i dont click with them anymore.
ccs : maybe.. its just a conflict of interest. since you're the only one in a jc now, your lifestyle would be different. just look at all the other seniors who used to hung out with us, and were in jc. they all left us.
me: that's why i'm trying my best to spend whatever time i have with them, but it still doesnt feel right.
css: if its meant to be, it's meant to be. but do make an effortto keep this friendship, you know its something special.


me: so have i gotten over her?
ccs: yeah, pretty much i guess. its been a long time since you've thought about any ideas of getting back with her yeah?
me: then why do i still wear that ring? why do i still have the stuff she gave me in a corner of my display shelf?
ccs: that's because you know, that one way or another, she'll always have a special place in your heart.


me: should i get a new love anytime soon?
ccs: that depends on .. us? dont think so right? you've got so much on your mind on, school, meeting new people, and stuff like that? how to get new love? anyway, its not like you to get to like someone so fast, these things take time.


me: i'm still having the fear of sms. i'm afraid it might lead to the same thing.
ccs: then keep them short.


the following is so guang rong.


I knew A girl That was soooooooo
DUMB.................................



- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to
make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get
change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of
third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked
On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she
went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

juling was saying how unappreciated she felt.


i think its wrong of her to feel that way. we're not being unappreciated. its just that our time in this band is over. we're just a bunch of seniors who come back and stand around. we can offer our help, but its up to them to accept it.


we're not as prominent or respected as some others, nor are we as outstanding or talented as them too. but isnt it good that we still have the passion for music for us to return to this band that we spent four eventful years in, and to see and spend time with our beloved juniors? isnt it nice for us to be around, rendering our services, giving up our other commitments and appointments to be here on a sat, after school on thurs and tues, to be at the band?


it could be that we've been around far too much. so much that it's that we're just another member, and even if we're not around, we're instantly switched to the seniors who are busy and do not have time. we're just some redundant people, that the band can do without. its a bonus for them if we're available.


but is that a reason for us to be taken for granted?


i'm speaking for all seniors who return now. we'll not always be there for you all. especially me, and ling. j and roy might still be able to return, but not us. we will not always be here to help you all play parts, move instruments or take the juniors. we will not be always around to be fun people.


just a thought for all of you all. what will happen once zat leaves for national service?

this is an edited post.


back from ronald's house warming. he has a fantastic house, and a fantastic view to go with it. and the food was good.. mmm.


met up with chong hu, chong u, damien, zhi xian and irwni to go there, not before we went to ntuc to get a lil gift for ron. its been long since i met up with these dudes. its rarely me to hang out with them, and its like so extra to be with them, a bunch of burly guys and a wimpy guy (me) with them. but yet its enlightening to see things from their point of view. its cool to see how these boys have a light hearted and funny view to life's brunt of horrible things.


speaking of horrible things, i'm getting pissed by stupid people.


sometimes people say i speak too fast. i prefer to think that they think and process too slowly. i speak at a comfortable pace, where i can get my point across to people, faster and more efficient. and if i cant get my point to you within 10 secs, then forget it. and when i say nothing, i most probably mean it. unless its something important, i'll repeat it. if i say nothing, it's prob just crap. like always.


and if you say i cant get to the point quickly, i prefer to think that i think you're abit..."worth talking to" and i'm trying to enlengthen our conversation. so there.


i'm so tired, and my sis is being a bitch. haiz, oh well. life's like these, and we must get used to it.


freak la, i'm supposed to meet up with a few people tml, two actually and touch up our old banner for my orientaion group, yet one of them is not responding. bitch.


haha, zat came up with these songs going to the tune of beauty and the beast, with some explict lyrics, no doubt simply hilarious. ha.


and its a definitely record. the album's only up for less than 4 days, and the visits have reached to a high 141 visits! woohoo.. captions are up and please leave comments for any pics yah?

will caption the pics later! here's the link!


got to go!

back.


yup, xingwen. you got it. the quote below meant, that its virtually impossible to see the potential of one, unless you give him/ her a chance to grow and develop.(unless its one that's really rotten...but's that's a different story.=) ). all i'm trying to say is, dont put someone down, till you try and let them have a chance to lead.nad if you're leading, lead by exmaple. it works the best.


had ogl camp, short for orientation group leader camp. it was fun, but i guess Murphy's law of "what will happen will happen" is probably right. i got teamed with the guy i dislike for my orientaition group. dang. what cant i stand about him? let's start numbering them.


1. he fakes this english accent.
2. he says things that are not funny, and laughs to himself.
3. he has long armpit hairs and still wears sleeveless.
4. and he's not even muscular or anything.
5. and when its bloody cold, because it was raining, he took off his shirt. in the middle of the night.
6. and he likes to say "what the hell.." after he realises noone is laughing at his crap.
7. and also "ok its lame". if you know it, why even say it in the first place!?@?!?!
8. likes to sing, but sorry, he can't for nuts!! he makes me sound like josh groban.
9. likes to dance, but ok, maybe can abit, but not fantastic, so stop acting like you rock.
10. and for goodness sake. dont sing some choir song, cant you see the look of our faces?!@?!?@!


argh. but its ok, i shall be nice. i shall ignore. i'll be depending on my other friends to stop me from being mean.


tomorrow's a big day.. so watch out for pics of tomorrow's great big event! from both me and weijian.

a single quote.


you can count the seeds in an apple, but you cant count the apples in a seed.


get it? will blog once i'm back from camp. got to go now.

whookie~


confirmed, that on the 24th of may, meridian junior college symphonic band will be performing, at the victoria concert hall, from 7.30 pm onwards. its on a monday evening(what the hell!), and the tickets are $10 apiece. please do try to come and support. heh.


and i'll be away on friday and saturday, cos i'll be away on a camp, for this orientation group leaders thingy. so pleasesms me for anything impt. thanks.


and temasek wind ensemble(feels so much more at home) will be performing at the ballon hat festival, on this sunday, at sentosa. it will be a whole day thing, starting in the morn, so please do come and support. thanks alot.


what do you think about people who fake and act as someone else, and does it so well, that he's or she's even recognised as that role, rather then himself? do you call that person a hypocrite? a fako? or someone with identity crisis?


no, you call him a professional actor.


its amazing, how actors act(duh). i was watching the making of the haunted mansion, and the main actor had to fake that he was being chased or flown around and to talk to this ball. man. doesnt he feel dumb? i would, but hey, i guess these people are trained for this. its freaking disturbing that someone can pretend that a ball on a stick has life, speak to it as if he's a living thing, and it doesnt even speak back to you.. then again, i speak to my hamster and it doesnt respond too.. hm.


its been a rainy afternoon, and now i'm staring at the moon, thinking how we got too serious too soon.. - gareth gates, too serious too soon.

ok, people with stagnant blogs, your link is removed. sorry, i know this is drastic, but hey, i hate stagnant blogs. so there.


i just found out that there's line dancing lessons going on downstairs, went down to kaypo abit, but realised.. that i should go home, since its dances that even eugene can do a thousand times better, not that he;s bad la, cos he's just starting ma..


ok. the results of the poll is out..


Chalet Pics 16% 4
Amazing Race 0% 0
Syf 2003 8% 2
Band camp 2003 june 4% 1
Celebration Night 12% 3
Zhijian's Bdae 0% 0
Miscellanous 16% 4
Christmas Party 8% 2
Band camp 2003 dec 4% 1
CNY outing 32% 8


25 votes total


man, the no of voters is abit.. pathetic. i'll put up one more poll, and if this one's response is bad, i'll scrap the poll.

raining once again.


man, freak la. seen a difference of a nice friendly junior and a bloody tao and stuck up one.


one waved to me and said hi, even though i didnt see her, while the other saw me, and i waved to her, but she just stared back. i even waved as my bus left, yet she just looked away. oh yeah, be stucked up. fine, its your loss, not mine. blegh to you.


have so much fun with faces. heh. check them out, give the guesses and win a prize! hahah.. maybe not. go to zat's blog and take a look. the actually link to make the faces is on the right, so go and have fun. use them as msn display pics, or in anyway you want. have fun.

my random thoughts of the day.


1. Light in Your Eyes Lyrics


I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free
I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe


There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me


Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all


There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me


Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away


It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong


There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me


2. army life is freaky.


3. photography rocks.


4. i need to tone up and get myself fitter.


5. i hate feeling sticky, bath time~


6. i'm still in love. band or not. heh.


7. i hate waiting for people..


8. yet i could survive waiting in the band room alone with emily. hm..


9. line dancing is still fun.

as time, goes by


gone are the days of secondary school. now, i'm in a junior college. totally different.


yes of course, its different, but think back, isnt it the same secondary school, where people of different backgrounds and former schools converge to meet and learn? yeah, its basically the same, except that now, in a junior college, the people now are older, and are more.. sly. i realised how fake people can be. saying things that they dont mean. putting up a front, giving a fake smile and all. crap. dont give me such shit. i wont buy it. i hate the politics in the band. i may not know anything about it, but just knowing about it irks and turns me off. why is this happening? conflicts of choices? different decisions? or just plain ego?


i think i have an ego problem too. the problem being that i want to be appreciated for the things that i do. the problem that i want to be recognised and distinct. is it too much to ask for? i dont like it when things are done yet people are not credited, not only to me. i dont believe in unfairness. be fair, or be square. wait, is that right?


current wishlist(hint for birthday present..abit early though)


1. 2 puzzle frames, both of different sizes.
2. a ps2 or xbox. heh.
3. i wouldnt say no to a new personal computer..
4. or a stereo radio set with cd player
5. discman?
6. a life.
7. amnesia
8. a new love interest. naw.


i'm not putting up on my agony anymore. i'll be looking for a new day to live and pass every morning. that is after i'm fresh and awake. blegh.

cant think of anything here.


good news. my grandma got better, and is now in a normal ward! hooray~!


being in a hospital makes you wonder. when will it be your day to end up in one? call me mental, but i've imagined myself being in one quite a few times, only to realise how freaky it is at night.


its quite amazing, that just between floors, walls, life, and death mingle among each other, as people weep, laugh, or panic altogether in a hospital. babies are being brought to earth, while people leave at the very same moment, as though they're making way for the young ones.



i'm being a idiot these days. i'm not being as trusting as i used to be. i keep on wondering what are the other people scheming behind my back. i wonder if i'm being paranoid, or my instincts are right.


i used to be so happy.


stop giving myself excuses. i will do it. no i wont. yes i will...

i'm not prepared.


spent a night at a hospital. it wasnt nice. it wasnt comfortable. to see my grandma in such a state pains me. was quite quiet throughout the stay. what was i to say? she's currently in the CCU, critical care unit, with a lot of tubes in her, so much that her fingers are swollen. the monitor beeps her heart rate, varying from 78 to 99, and respitory rate, from 17 to 25. mom told us to be ready. woke up this morning to find out that her condition worsen. she has lung infection, and parkinson's.


i'm not ready for another loss of a loved one. i'm not over the former, please dont start on another. please be well, so that we'll still be going every saturday to woodlands and visit you. please be well, that you'll call daily, asking if i've ate, and if everyone's home.


damnit. i wanted to talk to you, yet you didnt reply. maybe you're just busy, maybe you're just ignoring me. zat. i give up.
thanks for keeping me company for that half an hour. it meant alot.


get ready for school tml again. freak.


dont go. i'm not prepared for it.