Extracts from my archives from my handphone.

Calm rivers run deep. something that appears calm on the surface may actually have torrential currents underneath. i've been feeling a sense of emptiness these days. its like an important part of my life have disappeared, like waking from a very real yet unbelievable dream. one which makes you glad you ever had it, yet regrets having a dream that makes you wake up with tears stinging in my eyes.

Fairy tales do not exist. there is no happily ever after ending to a true love story, nor there is a prince charming or princess whom you will find, love at first sight. love is cultivated through time, and the desire makes the yearn for love sweet, and when achieved, love will be even sweeter. but will one be complacent abt this victory, or be sick of this sweetness in the long run?

Life is a rehearsal for a play that never shows.

the day started with a downpour. for people who are hoping for a day of sun, sand and sea, this would be totally unfair.
so what can they do? cry unfair to the heavens and hope that the almighty will take pity and stop the downpour? take it out on whatever they can get their hands on or verbally abuse their companions and say that its their fault that they did not pray to god the night before so that this rain could be avoided? unfairness. life is full of it. its everywhere we go, at every corner we turn. but how do we face it?
if there's a thing i hate more than some bloody leader in a certain institute i study in, its unfairness. unfairness in every form. its unfair how i try to my best yet its still not best enough. its unfair how i was lead on and ended up in misery. its unfair how i put up with alot of anger, yet i've no where to express it. maybe that's why zat, that i'm so angry nowadays.
they say life is full of surprises and mishaps, whatever comes our way, its in how we see it, and what we see in them and how we put them in perspective. but its so uncertain. is that what makes life worth living for, as everyday something new may come our way, giving it a new twist or turn and a certain new meaning?
i think of life as a game of solitaire. its a form of gambling, it tests patience, and you do not always get to end it on your terms. there be times where you flip a card where it fits, or flip two and both fits. but which is the more fitting, and what lay behinds that card you just flipped, as it'll decide how you play this game on. i've never been good in solitaire, or any other card games. its like poker too, you'll need the luck of the draw, skill, the veteran experience, of which i lack. but unlike card games, there is no re-deal. no wonder i suck in handling my life.

Sleepless nights

why u may ask? i should be happy since now the o levels are over? no. there're too much time for me to start thinking abt stuff. alot of stuff. stuff that irks me, and stuff that makes me want to cry. i'm hurting alot, but i'll be fine one day. i wonder how she is? do i have the right to think abt this? argh. get it out of my head.

amazing race.. trial runs shld be starting soon. hope they go well!

argh.

what a fool.

ouch.

maybe u're right zat. but let me take it in my stride pls? thank you.

i'm ending my secondary school life very soon. but at least, the last few days are spent very well. i can never forget al those crazy times studying can bring? is it the books? ha.. iwished. the fun comes from all the ting tong friends of mine, who are always thinking of of cranky and weird stuff to do. haha.. so much 'secrets' we share and did. soft toy wars, risk, zhong ji mi ma, and the recent airport study? wow. i'm glad i'm ending with a bang.

saw my juniors off today. quite sad to see them go. just a few words, in case they get to read this in thailand(ya right~!).

sen ah. u better take lots and lots of care there ah. dont be blur blur and believe whatever people say. the girls there may not really be girls hor! crink lots of water, usual stuff, sleep enough, and just dont get lost there ah.

lynnie, dont get to attracted to any guys u see, may not be guys too. dont go too nuts with your friends and behave yourself k? har har..

life goes on, maybe i'll have to go back on my promise, and keep them away.

we're half way there.

yeeyup. 3 more days of o' level papers and we're done. ha.. cant wait for that day. while we're haaving o' levels, here's some complains i have.

i just cant stand those stupid bloody teachers that go " 15 min left." its so damn bloody irritating. cant they just wait until the exam end, and then tell us time's up? breaking the momentum and the thoughts of the candidates is not ideal if you want them to score for the exams???? another thing, please employ proper invigilators that are not old balding and blind and walk so slow and gives up the papers so slowy, and has to stare closely at the names and index no., so close that their noses are touching the papers. grr.. waste our precious time and tenses up our nerves so bad that they're breaking.. i'm so tempted to trip them. ahaha...

been saying this phrase these days. "you think i want ah?"
it's not been easy for me. yes i could have shared it with you, but its something to be said and spread around. but do you think its easy to suppress the sadness of losing something so dear to you? it deft not. so pls don't ask me anything abt it anymore. unless i tell, dont question me.

Song of the moment
cant get it out of my head...(no its not kylie monogue)

Heaven Knows
(Rick Price, Heather Field)

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

its the time of the year.

yup. the o's are here, and everyone's freaking their hair off.. everyone prob except weijian lo~ that genius over there! yup, todays the end of the social studies paper, and to me its signals the end of the horriblestest part of the o's, phew~! heh, heck, i've even given away my sec 4 ss text, so goombye morni the shortie~! haha..that one still havent return our test paper from who knows when.. from lost it on top of somewhere that she cant reach.

am i so happy? frankly i'm not at all, but i'm supposed to be. everyone expects me to be a happy, cheerful and all right? how am i suppose to put on a face and be not? i do not really have anyone to confide in, except two ppl, but i still cant say it all to you. i'm getting moody now. blegheraa.. think i'll seriously go nuts someday here. lets look forward to amazing race 2 and band camp.. time to place the mask on again. its in pieces now.