crack of knuckles.

ok.. i've been wanting to blog since the early afternoon till now.. argh.. just got so caught up in reading stuff online.

yesterday my hamster had a field day. it escaped in the morning, then its escaped later in the night, sending me into a state of panic. that naughty boy.. i spent one and a half hour searching for it in my house, and my house ain't exactly big? imagine the no of times i spent walking around the house! but, now seeing my baby back in its box sleeping so well, feels good.
this what they call parental love? (whahaahah)

what's this thing we call love? can anyone define it please? its seems weird how nearly everyone wants to be in love, but it seems to keep away from them more. most of my friends have a fair deal of experience with love now( further brief descriptions, read zat's blog).
there's something called friendship love, the kind that buddies, regardless guys or girls feel for each other, strongly, deeply but not passionately. this kind of love, brings friends together closer, makes the laughs and chatters warm, and enjoyable. it will only exist, if the love is there.
then there's the couple love. the kind of love, that makes two person(guy and girl, guy and guy, girl and girl) feel for each other with a sense of compassion, passion, like, warmness and cormfort whenever they're together. like my mom was telling my sis, 'it feels great to be loved' referring to my dad, of course. the feeling of being loved is enough to warm the cold winter nights, or the cold temperature of the band room during long practices, and enough to keep a person spirits high up, able to tackle whatever the world throws at you.
there's also parental or family love. this kind of love is unconditional, unselfish and a more give than take relationship. no matter how your parents scold or nag, its always for 'your own good'(said in the naggy way that teachers say'). this kind of love, makes a family warm, makes me wanna go home after a long day or school, knowing there's always mum and dad, and yes, sis, not forgetting my naughty hamster, too at home waiting for me.
so to all reading this, i love you. =)

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No not just for some but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need another mountain,
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
Enough to last till the end of time.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No, not just for some but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need another meadow
There are cornfields and wheat fields enough to grow
There are sunbeams and moonbeams enough to shine
Oh listen, lord, if you want to know.

Sucks

i mean SARS. all thanks to this disease, the whole schooling population, except for some poly students, do not have to go sch till the 6th of april. damn shitty crap man. and syf is only a few days away. if they cancel it this year, its gonna be so damn sad sad sad event for me again.

sometimes i wished u never told me. sometimes i wished i never went there. sometimes i wished i never knew you. i'm feeling real threatened here. even though i know what i am afraid of will never happen, this fear still grows. just the outing with you all makes me feel uncertain.i feel i'm not doing enough, not good enough. what am i suppose to do? what more? i really dunno. i really wished you never never never told me anything.

tomorrow's her birthday. got something for her. wonder if she'll like it. having this feeling she won't. hope its a wrong feeling eh?
sorry ah zat and gang, for suddenly being moody. i'm just being an idiot like i always am. tink its the adolencse thingy getting to me.

Band Camp 2003

for the past 3 days, i've been slping in sch, on hard mattresses, beside timothy, and freezing to hell. well, it was one of my most enjoyable nights and times i had. we had band prac till like 12 midnight, and saw a beautiful moonrise. at times, those practises were torturing, not to mention the coldness of the band room, and the tiredness of our lips from the seemingly endless buzzing of our lips. but beside all these, i've seen a side of the band members i've never seen.
i've never thought, that sec ones have the band spirit, so deeply inside them; i've never seen Jeevan so hyped out before; i've never seen how ridiculous, but still funny how band members can go crazy over games, and over makan cheers.. not forgetting how freaky jannah is with her hair down, freaking and scaring the hell out of joel(perc) and slightly scaring poor tim. all i can say, is that band members are a grp of very creative people, able to think of so funny and lame cheers, react diff at diff situations, not to mention the performance the sec ones put up for us. winning team, nani(?) and victoria's grp beary interesting and cool rap cum rhyme. 'once upon a time in a nursery rhyme there were three bears, 1,2,3. Papa, mama and wee bear.' but its not all these that made the camp, its the people who took part who made the camp. not to mention, Jacintha, Vanessa, guang rong and yours truely to plan games, like in thirty minutes.. its getting better, last year 5 days, this years 30 mins.
lastly, i'm sorry i didn't keep my promise. let's hope for a better one in brisbane k?
p.s, i've uploaded the pics we took at the camp, soon, its gonna be on my blog~!
here's the link

Irony.

i wanna cry.
but i can't. that really hurts.
tears, please flow. i want to let off some steam, i wanna cry it out.
tears, please don't fail me.
am i emotionless too?

Heartbroken

heartbroken, shattered. leave me alone..

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Am I mistaken do you say,
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking that we're together
I wanted our love to last forever

Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

one thing

ok, maybe not one thing, but firstly, to alan, zat, weijian and guangrong, i finally get it why u said u wanted the person out of our group. i only realised it yesterday, but i could be affected to think the way u do, but some things are just have to be seen to realised.

for the past week, it has been a week of tears. people whom i never though would cry, cried. is the toll of the Gold medal syf dishing out the punishment on my friends? but, tears may be a way of expressing youself, a way to let off steam, a way to show displease. simple how tears can reaveal the inner side, inner soul of a person. to witness 3 cries a day, was very disturbing for me. pls smile all of u. let the past be the past. a fragment of memory, just to remind you how horrible a mistake could be, so tt you will not repeat it again.

let bygones be bygones. easier said than done? no, i've done it, so why not you? every minute you spent brooding over a horrbile sad event, you lose sixty seconds of joy and laughter. truer words were never said.

such a wuss. smsing even you're just infront of her. shame on you. you shouldn't even be talking to anyone, you shloud just be left alone at home, and SMS. what kind of guy are you? you say we make fun of you? you are making a mockery of yourself.

to you only.
to think is not a sin. but to frown, be sad over your thoughts isn't really good too? i forgive ur mood swings, everyone has them, even me. but just get over it soon k? oh yah, pls slp more, it really hurts to hear you so tired.

Such a shame.

ashamed to say, i have a thief in my house.
the thief not only steals money, she steals food too. a fat thieving bitch.
the thief ate stuff of mine, even though her lumbering weight is torturing the floor. her personal motto should be " though shall not weigh as much as the fridge". sadly, she weighs thrice as much already. the thief ate biscuits of mine. those were bought by a special person, but the thief has no manners to ask. sad sad sad. its sad coz the thief doesn't have anyone special to buy things for the thief. its sad coz the thief has no self control. its sad coz the thief is a loser who does not have self respect and is controlled by the thief's thieving friends and has to get whatever the thief's friends have, in order to be with them. Sad eh?

i'm so glad that my friends aren't like tt. we don't have to own branded stuff to be happy. we don't have to eat at posh places because everyone else does. i'm just happy to have the company of my friends, like what happened last night, when i went to the presidential suite at the Conrad International Hotel, invited by Weijian~ thanks bro. zat, alan, guang rong, J and i had a hell of a time, playing Truth.
the truth, nothing but the truth. no holds barred. heh. we learnt quite alot from each other, from little things to big things. but what is said shan't be brought out of the room..

hey, i know you're having a hard time, but just remember, i'll try always there for you, no matter what kind of problem it is, you can tell it to me. pls dun cry, its sad to hear it. hold on, for life is precious.

If...
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

there are too much "ifs" in our lives. either its an "if only i've done that", or "if i've known.." regrets? have you ever wondered what would have happen if you never done something else instead of another thing? take away the Ifs, be more decisive in your actions?

Notices~

ok people~ here's my last post, during a weekday liao k? for today onwards, i'll be only u[pdating on sunday morning, so thankya for your support, by reading this of course.

anyway, since i'm here, might as well say something.

well done jodin, great courage for wad you did today. really a great improvment, but could see how afraid you were. but y have it led to this?

SMS.
short for short messaging service, and it is supossedly a form of communication between friends to give short messages to each other, to remind or to inform. but, people like us, use it to have great lengthy conversations. why, what's wrong u may ask?
well, having a conversation online, through sms, has a barrier, and the sincerity is not seen and what is truly felt by the two parties is not seen nor felt. this, seriously harms a relationship or friendship, if it is used for long. u may have dozens to talk to online or sms, but real life, there's practically void to talk abt. it harms a relationship very badly dun u think so?? i'm a victim myself. well, was a victim. so, to those, who make use of this invention, pls, wake up from your dreams, and act on it, rather than let sms take over. pls pls pls, what is said from your lips, hopefully from your heart too, means a gazillion times more than what is typed and recieved thorugh sms. hope this enlightens people. esp u dude.

another thing, how hard is it to show your feelings? is it hard to show the sad side of you? or is it because being with all of you makes me so happy that i forget my worries.. disgraced.

Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the antichrist in the kitchen
Yelling at me again
Yet I can hear that
And say it again by the garbage truck
I've got something to say ya know but nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
"Never shut up"
Yet I can hear that

What if I'm a mermaid in these
Jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been

Here
Silent all these years

So you've found a girl who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best pray that I plea real soon
Cause that's how it's for ya
The spring got lost in a paper cup
The things that haven't were some screams I got
I've got twenty-five bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough
To get us there

Cause what if I'm a mermaid in these
Jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been

Here
Silent all these...

Years go by will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by if I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange coats raining in my head
Years go by will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
When the casualty you know it too
Easy easy easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby do not go
The sky is falling
Mother shows up in a nasty dress
This is your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody looking at you
You take a hold of my hand

Yet I can hear that
What if I'm a mermaid in these
Jeans of yours with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice
I hear my voice I hear my voice
And it's been

Here
Silent all these years
I've been here
Silent all these years
Silent all these
Silent all these years

Yawns..

sleepy morning, sleepy week.
its been a looooonng week. but then again, time is passing so fast.
saw my seniors taking their o' levels results. scary. those kind of emotions, feelings, i can feel them even if it's not me taking them. just signed up for o levels, enough to feel the stress liao.. was so afraid to pass up the form, so afraid that i won't make it. what can i do? it's just a part of life we'll have to go through, at least we singaporeans students eh?

but, they're always my nutty group of friends and mal to take such stuff of my mind. band helps a great big lot, like when i'm playing with the band, even that repeatively played american riversongs, can bring me elsewhere, where all the worldy crap is left on the bottom of my soles. the chatter on the bus trips home, at the seats where we have lunch, no matter if its about weird disturbing stuff, or its abt warcraft 3, its still enjoyable. going out with mal is exceptionally nice too, someone who i can relate to? defintely. she's someone i would like to remember and have for a long long time. hee...

juling's out of action this week. didn't see her so so so long.. miss her wor. her nice nice smell of her shampoo esp. heh. but most importantly, her company. her weird virus, (read more abt in ther blog, which link can be found in my links, who other links will oso have her link), kept her in quarantine.. some chicken poxxy thing. but i have liao, can visit her rite?? please come back soon.

jodin, so sorry ah. we may have be too over with the windy jokes, but if u dodn't want us to continue, could have told us rite? anyway, i learnt it the hard way, with your ci yu shou ce whack.. like ouch. but if you like someone, no matter just a friend or something else, smsing isn't really good. it puts more distance then closeness yah? you should probably go take the initiative, and talk to her FACE TO FACE!! go bud, jia you~!

lastly, cheryl, you can't lie hor.. suan sen left with sam and wang quan to play lan liao.. what wait for him.. bullcrap ah.. u lucky i forgot abt it at that time ah... naughty girl..tsk.